Exam Revision: – Does Facebook feature more prominently than text books?

Exams are looming.

How does your teenager deal with them?

Is revision put off till the last possible moment until fear and panic set in?

Does Facebook feature more prominently than textbooks?

Or does she feel she can’t possibly revise the entire syllabus – doesn’t know where to start – so doesn’t do anything?

Or like one boy I treated – who was so terrified of sitting the exams he couldn’t bring himself to think about it – and that included revision.

Has procrastination becomes a way of life?

One parent told me of the sinking feeling of despair she had when she saw her clever but unmotivated son divide his time between yet another computer game and the TV. She told me how angry and upset she was that she was paying for a first class education so he could get a start in life – and how let down she felt that he was damaging his future by throwing away his opportunities and his potential, and that he hadn’t valued or recognised the effort his parents were making to send him to his school.

In these very common scenarios no amount of cajoling or bribery make any difference and guilt trips only succeed in making them even more stubborn.

It can look like laziness, but in my experience there is no such thing as a lazy child.

What I have seen are children whose attitude and performance are clouded by negative beliefs and low expectations of themselves. There are many who believe that they are not as clever as parents or brothers and sisters – they believe they will never live up to their family’s expectations of them and can’t possibly compete with the family track record. So they decide that they won’t put anything into it, and that will mean that they haven’t failed because they didn’t even try. You can’t fail if you don’t compete in the first place.

Belief: “I am not good enough”  lies beneath low expectations and poor performance.

What we are looking at is avoidance rather than laziness:

• Avoidance of failure and humiliation if they try and then fail, or if they try and the results are just mediocre.
• Avoidance of the disappointment of parents and themselves if they decide to try and then perform badly.
• Avoidance of the confirmation that they are not good enough.

Failure and fear of failure are responsible for a lot of negative attitude.

 

• Avoidance of being thought of as a nerd or a boffin. This one has a lot to do with the school and if it’s judged to be uncool if you’re clever.

You could lose your social status, which would be infinitely worse than failing a few exams.

The fear of being seen as too clever can make a teenager underperform

Then there’s the inability to concentrate – sometimes classified as ADHD. If your teenager comes into this category, there is plenty that can be done to not only help, but to transform the situation. Homeopathic remedies and Theta Healing are both powerful tools.

Ritalin is often prescribed by the medical profession. I personally, do not believe that Ritalin is the answer or even a temporary solution. It does not cure the underlying causes and you end up with a child living under a permanent drug regime.

I have treated teenagers for all these beliefs and problems.  Some of them have been very alienated, and in these cases it has taken them longer to get them back on track. But it can be done.

It’s not the studying that’s the problem – it’s the beliefs surrounding the studying.

These can be changed.

The fastest and most effective method I have found is Theta Healing.

On my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works. If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see a message from a mother whose daughter began doing much better in her exams and with her revision after Theta Healing.

If you would like to find out more, please contact me on:  07979538 378

Addictions Drugs and Alcohol

Of course – addictions are not just confined to food.

I’m an ex smoker and though I haven’t had a cigarette in 30 years, I know that if I just have one or two – that’ll be it and I’ll be back to smoking like a trooper.

Even now – after all these years – I sometimes dream that I’m smoking. I think – “Didn’t you give up?” But it makes no difference and there I am inhaling away in my dreams – feeling a bit guilty but managing to ignore it, and as though 30 years as a non smoker had never happened.

Once an addict – always an addict.
Alcoholics Anonymous recognise this and everyone there introduces themselves as an alcoholic even if they haven’t touched a drop in years.

Addiction to drugs and alcohol can be for a variety of reasons.

• You may have been born to a mother who was drinking heavily or who was taking drugs while pregnant, which gave the growing baby a predisposition or an addiction to those substances.
• You come from a family or social group that uses drugs and alcohol and so what starts out as a way to be part of a social group becomes a dependency.
• You’ve had to take drugs to control illness and pain and have become reliant on them and then when you no longer need the drugs realise you’ve become addicted.
• You have been using drugs and alcohol as a means of finding confidence and feel you can only be amusing and good company when you’re high. Then you find out that you have to keep taking more just to be on an even keel, and that you now have a dependency.
• You’ve been using drugs and alcohol as an emotional anaesthetic, so that you don’t have to think of whatever may be troubling you – and you have become dependent.
• You’re looking for a way to escape yourself

Addiction can be thought of as having two interacting parts.

• The effect the substances have on the body
– the deterioration of the thinking processes and the nervous system
– the craving that an addiction sets up.
• The wish to escape the realities of your life
– The disappointments
– The failed relationships
– The circumstances you believe you cannot influence and so have a feeling of impotence.

I believe that when working with someone to overcome their addiction both the emotional reasons for that addiction and the intense physical craving have to be looked at simultaneously.

• The body needs to be helped to clear itself of any residue of the substance.
• The body and mind need help to repair themselves after what may have been years of mistreatment.
• The person needs to be supported through the feelings of guilt and remorse for their actions and for what they have become.
• The emotions which that person was unable to face and tried to mask with drugs and alcohol must be worked through

Theta Healing has helped people I have worked with transform their feelings about themselves and has produced rapid and effective change. Homoeopathic remedies have been invaluable in helping the body to repair itself.

If you would like help with an addiction

Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see how they have overcome some of the self doubts and negativity which lie beneath addiction.

Chocolate is the answer – the question is pretty much irrelevant

I sometimes wonder why it is that you never hear about addiction to broccoli or spinach? Do you crave cabbage or curly kale or something that might do you some good?

We might like them a lot – but we don’t have to have them in large quantities and we can usually stop eating after a reasonable portion without craving more.

Cravings and addictions are usually for junk food – sugar and fats and of course – chocolate. The comfort foods.

Remember back to when you were a small child. Were you given chocolate or sweets to make it better? Or an ice cream as a reward for being a good girl/boy or for not making a fuss – or for getting over a disappointment?

So its not much of a surprise when we automatically turn to these foods when we want to reward ourselves or need to make ourselves feel better.

What if there’s been lots of disappointments which are too painful to acknowledge? And what if we pacify ourselves with the reward we like best every time we feel bad? Then feeling better is associated with these rewards and gradually you can only feel better if you have a chocolate bar or an ice cream and nothing else will give you the same feeling.

These foods are never great for our bodies at the best of times and if you eat them regularly and in quantity they will eventually have an effect on the body’s metabolism and digestive system.

What we crave can also be as a result of a food sensitivity. When I find that a client has a weak immune system I look for foods which they love. I often find that these foods are the very thing that they are sensitive to and that the body doesn’t know what to do with, and so will set up a craving. If that is the sole reason for the addiction and you stop eating that food – the craving very quickly goes with it.

Eating sweets, chocolates and sugary foods is responsible for a lot of poor health. The way our bodies deal with sugar is finely balanced. When the system is overloaded the pancreas begins to function less well, insulin production fluctuates and you can eventually end up with diabetes. While the body struggles with the overload we don’t feel good. This has an effect on the emotions – we don’t feel wonderful when the body isn’t working well. So what happens? We have some more chocolate or cake to make these feelings go away.

Then there’s the terrible guilt for being weak willed – for having finished an entire box of chocolates on one’s own, or like Bridget Jones – a huge tub of ice cream in front of the television.

How to make the guilty feelings go away? By having another chocolate bar of course!

There’s a combination of triggers that support food addictions.

• The body trying to adjust itself to the overload sends out alarm signals which might make you eat more sugar.
• The subconscious search for something to relieve anxiety and emotional pain.
• The habit of eating certain foods at certain times and in certain situations

We have learned that the most effective way to relieve distress is by having something in our mouth. Since birth – unless we’ve been fed to a strict time schedule – the moment we started screaming we were given the breast, a bottle or a pacifier. This usually stopped the screaming and its also where we began to understand that if we put something in our mouths we felt better.

Trying to break a food addiction is not easy. The person with an addiction feels powerless. The addiction rules them and they are its slave.

Its not just the food which has become an addiction – its also the habit which needs to be broken, and all the underlying emotions that go with it need to be looked at. To successfully overcome an addiction all these things have to be understood and addressed.

I have found through my work with Theta Healing and NLP that all these issues can be dealt with, and that the addiction when it is no longer anchored in the emotions and by habit can be effectively resolved.

If you would like help with an addiction

Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see how they have overcome some of the anxieties which lie beneath addiction.

Fear of Public Speaking – some hints to improve your performance and some underlying causes

For those of us  who do not belong in a corporate background and who are not at home with preparing  power point presentations, but are still expected to get up in front of an audience and deliver a speech – public speaking can be very daunting.

So here’s a few confidence boosters and also a quick look at why we become so anxious.

  • Be prepared. Its not a good idea to hope that inspiration comes to you on the day. Neither is it realistic to expect to remember the facts and figures when you are nervous.. If you expect to be nervous – you will probably forget everything or get it wrong. Having the facts and figures in front of you is a good confidence booster.
  • Is what you have to say well written and interesting? Because if it isn’t start there and rewrite so you know you have a coherent  presentation to deliver.
  • Your audience generally wishes you well, so expect them to welcome and be open to what you have to say.
  • They  will want to be entertained as well as informed, so one or two light hearted anecdotes usually helps everyone to relax.
  • Wear smart clothes and make sure that they are not too tight and that you can breathe properly. Ladies – don’t wear your killer heels – you’ll probably regret it.
  • Always stand when addressing your audience and answering their questions. I’m amazed at how often people forget to do this. Its very annoying to not be able to see the speaker.
  • Be inclusive of the entire audience. Walk about on the stage even if you do have a podium. It allows you to communicate more easily with different parts of the room.  Ensure you make eye contact and include the people in every part of the room – otherwise part of your audience might feel rejected.

Still terrified?

Have you prepared  your material really well, rehearsed  it  – learned some of it – and yet are still terrified at the idea of standing alone in public?

Why?

If the material you have to put over is relevant and interesting, what makes you seize up? What stops you communicating in a relaxed and friendly manner?

Some of the reasons why.

Fear of speaking in public is as widespread as it is because of the underlying fears which are a common element of the human condition.

This is a fear of being criticised, judged and ultimately found wanting.

And under that is the fear that perhaps you are not quite good enough and that this will be discovered and highlighted  if you are in the spotlight.

To effectively overcome these fears it is important to work on how you feel about yourself. Do you like and respect yourself? Do you expect others to like and respect you – or do you expect them to pick holes in you, reject your views and in general become hostile. Above all – are you at ease with yourself?

Its no wonder so many actors are scared to death.  They used to be pelted with rotten tomatoes if the audience didn’t like them. Even without the tomatoes – to be at the receiving end of a bored, hostile or alienated audience feels terrible.

The people who are the most successful in engaging their audience are at ease with themselves. They don’t have to deliver the wittiest or the most intellectually challenging speech. But they do have to be at ease with themselves.

To be at ease is not as difficult as it sounds.

There are many homeopathic remedies which help with the nerves and also with self confidence.

I have had excellent results using Theta Healing. This has enabled  people to eliminate the negativity they have about themselves very easily and effectively. When the negativity is released then there is a feeling of greater  self worth and with that comes ease.

If you would like to become one of the minority who are comfortable and at ease with themselves.

Please call me on  – 07979538 378 to find out more

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given a an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see how they have overcome their nerves and how their confidence has grown

Fear of Public Speaking – and what can be done about it

They say that most people would endure any ordeal rather than speak in public. Even some of our most celebrated actors are reduced to a quivering fearful jelly before each performance.

Many of us have experienced the symptoms:

  • A dry mouth,
  • breaking out into a sweat,
  • stomach upset,
  • nausea and vomiting,
  • sleepless night,
  • unable to eat,
  • forgetting what we were about to say,
  • convinced that what we need to say is incredibly dull and that no-one wants to listen to us – so we cut out a lot of the information we were about to give.

Then we stand there in front of our audience or interviewer and give the wooden performance of our lives. Our body language is stiff and shows our fear. The audience is embarrassed and becomes anxious and we wish the floor would open up and swallow us whole.

Though that is an extreme example – many of us will have experienced some of these symptoms.

Most of us don’t need to put ourselves into that position and can avoid public speaking. But there are many who have to speak in public, and generally be in the public eye as part of their job…

One of my clients – an analyst in the City – had to conduct seminars, give expert opinion on Radio and TV and inform the press. He was brilliant at being an analyst but everything else caused constant fear and anxiety. He had been in his career for a number of years and instead of becoming used to being in public – it was getting worse. He knew what a poor show he put on and that what he had to say sounded dull and boring. This began to affect his dealings with his colleagues. …….and so it went on.

In over 20 years as a homeopath and later as an NLP Master Practitioner and Theta Healer – I have seen many people with stage fright , exam nerves and a terror of appearing in public.

There are several ways of tackling this.

Tranquilisers and sleeping pills help up to a point – but you lose your edge and they can make you drowsy. Besides – it is much better to not have to rely on drugs if you can help it.

Homeopathic remedies can greatly reduce stage fright and the anxiety felt on the days leading up to an event. Over a period of time they can also deal with the lack of confidence that makes people so frightened of appearing in public. They have the advantage of being gentle and safe for all ages, and they are not addictive.

But to my mind the greatest success comes when the cause of the fear is discovered and dealt with. This is where Theta healing or NLP come in. I have found that my clients have responded extremely well to Theta. That panic and dread have been replaced by confidence, motivation, and yes – even a sense of enjoyment. And the transformation has lasted without having to top up on drugs and pills.

The Analyst was treated with Theta Healing and homeopathic remedies. He has turned his performance around and has recently been head hunted for a significantly better job.

If you’d like to know more about Homeopathy and Theta Healing– please go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com