I’m Not Good Enough

So many of us are plagued with this belief and the anxiety it causes.

‘I’m not as good or as clever or as capable as………………….’

‘People think I know what I’m doing and I’m only a small step ahead of them’

‘It’s just a fluke I got to where I am. It’s just luck.’

‘I can’t allow anyone to see just how anxious I am or they’ll understand that really I’m not up to the job.’

I can’t allow anyone near me or they’ll find out I’m a fraud.

It’s surprising how many people who are at the top of their professions feel like this. You’d never guess – they keep it very well hidden.

If you were to ask someone else about that person they would probably tell you how great they are and what an inspiration they have been, and if you told that person they would be astonished.

Other people’s perception of us is often quite different to how we think we are. They might rate you for things you take for granted or as something that really isn’t important.  But to others it has been meaningful.

We are so busy being down on ourselves for what we think of as our faults and failures – that we just don’t get it that these things are not what we are valued for.  I have often told people how great they are at something only to have them shrug it off and dismiss it as unimportant compared to their faults.  They won’t receive it as the genuine compliment it was meant to be, and they don’t believe that what I am complimenting them about is worth complimenting.

Alternatively – there are many who are convinced they are a fraud and it’s only by a fluke that they’re in the position they’re in.  They won’t let anyone close in case they find out how anxious they are and how inferior they believe themselves to be. So no one can get near them and they come over as remote. Often they are so busy stopping anyone getting near that they can be aggressive.

In both cases they are their own worst enemies. The underlying belief is that if they criticise themselves first no one else will get the chance to do it. So they criticise themselves for all sorts of real and imagined faults. Of course – what you have yourself is what you notice in others. So others come in for lots of judgement too.

All of this comes from a lack of confidence in oneself and the anxiety that you are somehow wrong.  That your best efforts aren’t good enough and that you are going to be judged by others. So then that person thinks that they will feel a lot better if they are as near perfect as they can make themselves.  Anything less that perfection amounts to failure.  This is an impossible standard to live to and breeds even more anxiety. Then if the smallest thing goes wrong it’s a catastrophe.  Have you noticed how anxious some people get when things don’t go according to their very carefully laid plans?

With the anxiety that we’re not good enough – comes the conviction that we’ve done something wrong – and the most terrible feelings of guilt.

So much anxiety as a result of one negative belief.

And so many defence mechanisms to go with it – all of which breed more anxiety.

I have found in my Theta Healing practice how scarce genuine self confidence is.

A number of factors may have contributed to lack of confidence and poor self esteem, but these factors are rarely based on reality. However, whether it’s real or not, the belief is enough to overshadow a person’s life.

I have also seen this destructive belief changed very rapidly to a real knowledge and recognition for that person of their strengths, and a recognition and the ability to work through their weaknesses.

If you would like to learn more about Theta Healing and how it can help remove beliefs which don’t serve you:-

Call me on: 07979538378

Email me at: debbie.talalay@gmail.com

Or go to my website to find out how Theta Healing and Homeopathy could help you. www.deborahtalalayhealing.com

I am always anxious

I am so stressed and there’s nothing I can do to slow down because so many people are dependent on me.

Life has become so fast. We expect to do things and have things done for us instantly, if not yesterday.  Any delay sends us into a rage. If there is a wait behind a car which is a bit slow off the mark at a traffic light, the horns start blasting away. We have so much packed into each day, that unless everything goes perfectly – which it rarely does – we are unable to fulfil the commitments we have made. We arrive late and flustered – and we have no reserves to deal with the many little unexpected happenings that each day brings.

We’re proud of being able to multitask, and we end up by giving only a tiny part of our attention to whatever we’re doing. A parent pushing a stroller with a young child in it and with a phone clamped to her ear is a familiar sight. The child is ignored or pacified with a dummy or food if it wants attention.

We end up doing a lot – but we lose the ability to be, to communicate and relate to each other.

This is having life by the throat – so there is no room to breathe or to relax. Do it for long enough and everything becomes a burden – something to be done or to get through and it breeds irritability and ANXIETY.

Anxiety that;-

  • I won’t be able to achieve all I’ve set out to do.
  • That I’ll let people down and that they will be angry or annoyed with me.
  • That people will think less of me
  • That I will let myself down
  • That I’ll deprive my children and family in some way.
  • That I am not as competent as my friends and acquaintances.

Women are usually the ones running around trying to do what is needed for the family and holding down a job at the same time. The media have promoted the idea of the modern super woman who can grow her own vegetables, bottle and preserve them, make cakes and jam and all before setting out for her day in the executive boardroom.

Even if we like living like that – we can only keep it up for so long before the cracks begin to appear.

The price we pay is in our relationships – both with ourselves and with others.

We have completely failed to nourish ourselves and all we have is a sense of achievement for having done so much.

Nourishing ourselves can happen in different ways and they are all important.

We can start by giving ourselves the time to be with ourselves and with our thoughts. We need the time for the mind to be free of duty and responsibility so that it can float free and come up with ideas or so it can resolve a problem which has been lurking in the background.  We are not machines even if we treat ourselves like one.  We need the time to renew our energy and to clear ourselves from our recent experiences. If we don’t do this we create a backlog for the subconscious mind to deal with when we have the time. So it keeps prompting us to remember this thing and that problem which we have stored until we can sort them out. These constant reminders become anxiety.

Human beings all need to connect. Connection is what gives our lives meaning. What passes for connection is often at the surface as we don’t have the time for the connection to develop and for the energy of that connection to flow. We need to give ourselves the time and space to listen to ourselves and connect with our unconscious mind and to let that take us where it will. What we actually do is to stop any communication with ourselves by living in a constant whirlwind of activity and with a constant background of noise.

We have become estranged from ourselves and disconnected from others.

Anxiety is our warning signal that we are not getting it right and that we need to re-evaluate what we want from our lives and how to go about it. Our anxiety is, in general, not about the circumstances of our lives.  Even when these are difficult – if we feel centred and balanced we can deal with difficult circumstances and take them in our stride.

My belief is that our anxiety is because we won’t take the time to be with ourselves and with others and because we are denying ourselves the fundamental nutrition of connection.

If you would like help in reconnecting with yourself and with others, you may find that Theta Healing will help:

Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more.

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.