The Emotional Impact of Infertility

The urge to procreate is incredibly strong and is hardwired into us, especially into females. So when a woman wants a child and is unable to conceive it is felt as much more than a failure to conceive. This is felt as a failure as a human being.

When you have just bought a new car you suddenly notice all the other cars of the same make on the road.
When you want a baby – all you can see is pregnant women – everyone seems to be pregnant having conceived effortlessly. If another woman’s baby is unplanned and maybe unwanted then that is a further slap in the face to the woman who is dying to have a baby and cannot. She wonders what is wrong with her – if she is being punished for some misdeed. She thinks she is unloved by God and the universe or that she’s been forgotten. She feels sidelined and abandoned.

All this has a terrible effect on the woman’s emotional health. She does not feel complete as a person – as though something vital has been withheld from or denied to her. And her mind dwells on it obsessively. Every family with small children has been blessed and she has not.

Sometimes she feels ashamed of her infertility. In some cultures this is a valid reason for men to punish and divorce their wives. Then this woman is humiliated and excluded because of her infertility.
And all the while – it could have been a problem with the man!

It is well worth while for each couple to be tested to see where exactly the problems lie. As I said in my last blog – get in touch with Foresight and take their help.
Tel: 01243 868001
Email: emailus@foresight-preconception.org.uk

Many women find that they feel just as bad when they want another child as those women without any children at all. The urge to procreate is just as strong and so then they feel guilty and ashamed because they feel that they shouldn’t be making such a fuss when they already have a child.

I have treated many women who are so desperate to become pregnant that their entire life is centred around maximising that possibility. Her partner has to have sex around the time when his wife ovulates whether he feels like it or not. He gets to feel that his only use is as a sperm machine. He feels he has failed because his wife is so unhappy and that he must be less important to her than having a baby. Pretty soon he starts to feel angry and unwanted. And when it comes to lovemaking – he can’t work up any enthusiasm because he knows that the only reason is to produce a baby.

The effect all this has on the partnership is stressful and destructive. The man feels undervalued and the woman feels not understood and inadequately cared for.

Many women find that they feel just as bad when they want another child as those women without any children at all. The urge to procreate is just as strong and so then they feel guilty and ashamed because they feel that they shouldn’t be making such a fuss when they already have a child.

The woman is on an emotional roller coaster. Every month she hopes she will get pregnant and anxiously waits to see if her period is going to come. If it is a little late she is beside herself with hope and anxiety and then when her period finally arrives she sinks into despair.

Of course all this anxiety and negativity sends chemical signals to the body which makes the prospect of conceiving even less likely. The very opposite of the hoped for conception is achieved.

Much can be done with Theta healing to calm the situation. I have treated women who have come to terms with childlessness and who no longer think that a vital part of themselves is missing. I have treated others who have managed to relax and accept whatever happens and who have finally become pregnant. When the heat is off – the relationship has a chance to heal and this sometimes produces a pregnancy.

If you would like to learn more about Theta Healing and how it can help with infertility
Call me on: 07979538378
Email me at: debbie.talalay@gmail.com
Or go to my website to find out how Theta Healing and Homeopathy could help you. www.deborahtalalayhealing.com

Alternatives to IVF

For a number of years I have been a member of a wonderful organisation called Foresight – The Association  for the Promotion of Pre-Conceptual Care.  It provides a non invasive, inexpensive alternative to IVF.

 

I have reproduced an article I wrote on Foresight in 2008.

 

‘Foresight is a charity focused on pre-conceptual care and infertility.

The incidence of infertility is growing at an alarming rate.

The emotional and financial cost both to the people involved and to the health service is very high.

 

Foresight has proved to be immensely successful in its fertility programme and in producing healthy babies. The success rate for conception to the birth of a healthy infant is 78.4%.

 

People referred to Foresight have their hair analysed.

This highlights

  • levels of toxicity including drugs, alcohol and nicotine
  • parasites
  • infections
  • nutrient deficiencies and imbalances
  • allergies

All of which can cause infertility and often have repercussions for the babies eventually conceived. Depending on the results of the analysis, the couple are then referred to a therapist – usually a nutritionist or homoeopath. They are prescribed a course of supplements aimed at rectifying the problems revealed in the hair analysis.

 

Foresight aims to

  • help couples achieve good health so that it becomes possible to conceive
  • help couples to conceive without drugs and invasive procedures
  • ensure that children are not born with entirely avoidable conditions arising from nutrient deficiencies or toxicity of the parent
  • relieve the NHS in the future of the need to provide expensive operations and care for those who are currently being born with these conditions
  • encourage people to have babies who are healthy in both mind and body

 

A healthy society is the product of the individuals in that society. Helping prospective parents to regain good health provides the basis for the health of the next generation and is  reflected in the society that results.

 

This service is available at a fraction of the cost of IVF and other procedures.  I believe it to be effective and very worthwhile.

I would like to see a Foresight centre in each major city which can help couples to conceive and to attain this level of health.

 

Cost comparison of treatments

IVF – £6000                                         Foresight –  £300 – £400

Success Rate

IVF – 21.6 %                                      Foresight – 78.4%

 

When asked about the comparative costs between IVF and alternative methods – an IVF consultant was recently quoted as saying that alternative methods were exploitative. As seen by the figures shown above, this is patently untrue.’

 

I have also found that the mind can play a large part in blocking conception. Fear that the husband does not really want another child. Worry that the child will place an unwanted financial burden on the family. Worry that her life will change dramatically and that she’s not sure she can cope.

 

The anxiety of trying to conceive often acts as a block to conception. The couple – particularly the woman is so overwrought that her body produces a hostile environment for conception. Women trying to conceive used to be placed with infants – just to hold them and cuddle them.  This deceived the body and mind into a state of relaxation and fulfilment and the women frequently became pregnant as a result.

 

So it is important when aiming to conceive to keep the mind in a welcoming receptive state so that the body is given the correct signals and knows that it is the right moment to get started.

 

If you feel that your anxiety and negativity is part of the problem and is adding to the difficulties you may be having trying to conceive – Theta Healing will help you.

Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more.

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

I’m Not Good Enough

So many of us are plagued with this belief and the anxiety it causes.

‘I’m not as good or as clever or as capable as………………….’

‘People think I know what I’m doing and I’m only a small step ahead of them’

‘It’s just a fluke I got to where I am. It’s just luck.’

‘I can’t allow anyone to see just how anxious I am or they’ll understand that really I’m not up to the job.’

I can’t allow anyone near me or they’ll find out I’m a fraud.

It’s surprising how many people who are at the top of their professions feel like this. You’d never guess – they keep it very well hidden.

If you were to ask someone else about that person they would probably tell you how great they are and what an inspiration they have been, and if you told that person they would be astonished.

Other people’s perception of us is often quite different to how we think we are. They might rate you for things you take for granted or as something that really isn’t important.  But to others it has been meaningful.

We are so busy being down on ourselves for what we think of as our faults and failures – that we just don’t get it that these things are not what we are valued for.  I have often told people how great they are at something only to have them shrug it off and dismiss it as unimportant compared to their faults.  They won’t receive it as the genuine compliment it was meant to be, and they don’t believe that what I am complimenting them about is worth complimenting.

Alternatively – there are many who are convinced they are a fraud and it’s only by a fluke that they’re in the position they’re in.  They won’t let anyone close in case they find out how anxious they are and how inferior they believe themselves to be. So no one can get near them and they come over as remote. Often they are so busy stopping anyone getting near that they can be aggressive.

In both cases they are their own worst enemies. The underlying belief is that if they criticise themselves first no one else will get the chance to do it. So they criticise themselves for all sorts of real and imagined faults. Of course – what you have yourself is what you notice in others. So others come in for lots of judgement too.

All of this comes from a lack of confidence in oneself and the anxiety that you are somehow wrong.  That your best efforts aren’t good enough and that you are going to be judged by others. So then that person thinks that they will feel a lot better if they are as near perfect as they can make themselves.  Anything less that perfection amounts to failure.  This is an impossible standard to live to and breeds even more anxiety. Then if the smallest thing goes wrong it’s a catastrophe.  Have you noticed how anxious some people get when things don’t go according to their very carefully laid plans?

With the anxiety that we’re not good enough – comes the conviction that we’ve done something wrong – and the most terrible feelings of guilt.

So much anxiety as a result of one negative belief.

And so many defence mechanisms to go with it – all of which breed more anxiety.

I have found in my Theta Healing practice how scarce genuine self confidence is.

A number of factors may have contributed to lack of confidence and poor self esteem, but these factors are rarely based on reality. However, whether it’s real or not, the belief is enough to overshadow a person’s life.

I have also seen this destructive belief changed very rapidly to a real knowledge and recognition for that person of their strengths, and a recognition and the ability to work through their weaknesses.

If you would like to learn more about Theta Healing and how it can help remove beliefs which don’t serve you:-

Call me on: 07979538378

Email me at: debbie.talalay@gmail.com

Or go to my website to find out how Theta Healing and Homeopathy could help you. www.deborahtalalayhealing.com

Addictions Drugs and Alcohol

Of course – addictions are not just confined to food.

I’m an ex smoker and though I haven’t had a cigarette in 30 years, I know that if I just have one or two – that’ll be it and I’ll be back to smoking like a trooper.

Even now – after all these years – I sometimes dream that I’m smoking. I think – “Didn’t you give up?” But it makes no difference and there I am inhaling away in my dreams – feeling a bit guilty but managing to ignore it, and as though 30 years as a non smoker had never happened.

Once an addict – always an addict.
Alcoholics Anonymous recognise this and everyone there introduces themselves as an alcoholic even if they haven’t touched a drop in years.

Addiction to drugs and alcohol can be for a variety of reasons.

• You may have been born to a mother who was drinking heavily or who was taking drugs while pregnant, which gave the growing baby a predisposition or an addiction to those substances.
• You come from a family or social group that uses drugs and alcohol and so what starts out as a way to be part of a social group becomes a dependency.
• You’ve had to take drugs to control illness and pain and have become reliant on them and then when you no longer need the drugs realise you’ve become addicted.
• You have been using drugs and alcohol as a means of finding confidence and feel you can only be amusing and good company when you’re high. Then you find out that you have to keep taking more just to be on an even keel, and that you now have a dependency.
• You’ve been using drugs and alcohol as an emotional anaesthetic, so that you don’t have to think of whatever may be troubling you – and you have become dependent.
• You’re looking for a way to escape yourself

Addiction can be thought of as having two interacting parts.

• The effect the substances have on the body
– the deterioration of the thinking processes and the nervous system
– the craving that an addiction sets up.
• The wish to escape the realities of your life
– The disappointments
– The failed relationships
– The circumstances you believe you cannot influence and so have a feeling of impotence.

I believe that when working with someone to overcome their addiction both the emotional reasons for that addiction and the intense physical craving have to be looked at simultaneously.

• The body needs to be helped to clear itself of any residue of the substance.
• The body and mind need help to repair themselves after what may have been years of mistreatment.
• The person needs to be supported through the feelings of guilt and remorse for their actions and for what they have become.
• The emotions which that person was unable to face and tried to mask with drugs and alcohol must be worked through

Theta Healing has helped people I have worked with transform their feelings about themselves and has produced rapid and effective change. Homoeopathic remedies have been invaluable in helping the body to repair itself.

If you would like help with an addiction

Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see how they have overcome some of the self doubts and negativity which lie beneath addiction.

Fear of Public Speaking – some hints to improve your performance and some underlying causes

For those of us  who do not belong in a corporate background and who are not at home with preparing  power point presentations, but are still expected to get up in front of an audience and deliver a speech – public speaking can be very daunting.

So here’s a few confidence boosters and also a quick look at why we become so anxious.

  • Be prepared. Its not a good idea to hope that inspiration comes to you on the day. Neither is it realistic to expect to remember the facts and figures when you are nervous.. If you expect to be nervous – you will probably forget everything or get it wrong. Having the facts and figures in front of you is a good confidence booster.
  • Is what you have to say well written and interesting? Because if it isn’t start there and rewrite so you know you have a coherent  presentation to deliver.
  • Your audience generally wishes you well, so expect them to welcome and be open to what you have to say.
  • They  will want to be entertained as well as informed, so one or two light hearted anecdotes usually helps everyone to relax.
  • Wear smart clothes and make sure that they are not too tight and that you can breathe properly. Ladies – don’t wear your killer heels – you’ll probably regret it.
  • Always stand when addressing your audience and answering their questions. I’m amazed at how often people forget to do this. Its very annoying to not be able to see the speaker.
  • Be inclusive of the entire audience. Walk about on the stage even if you do have a podium. It allows you to communicate more easily with different parts of the room.  Ensure you make eye contact and include the people in every part of the room – otherwise part of your audience might feel rejected.

Still terrified?

Have you prepared  your material really well, rehearsed  it  – learned some of it – and yet are still terrified at the idea of standing alone in public?

Why?

If the material you have to put over is relevant and interesting, what makes you seize up? What stops you communicating in a relaxed and friendly manner?

Some of the reasons why.

Fear of speaking in public is as widespread as it is because of the underlying fears which are a common element of the human condition.

This is a fear of being criticised, judged and ultimately found wanting.

And under that is the fear that perhaps you are not quite good enough and that this will be discovered and highlighted  if you are in the spotlight.

To effectively overcome these fears it is important to work on how you feel about yourself. Do you like and respect yourself? Do you expect others to like and respect you – or do you expect them to pick holes in you, reject your views and in general become hostile. Above all – are you at ease with yourself?

Its no wonder so many actors are scared to death.  They used to be pelted with rotten tomatoes if the audience didn’t like them. Even without the tomatoes – to be at the receiving end of a bored, hostile or alienated audience feels terrible.

The people who are the most successful in engaging their audience are at ease with themselves. They don’t have to deliver the wittiest or the most intellectually challenging speech. But they do have to be at ease with themselves.

To be at ease is not as difficult as it sounds.

There are many homeopathic remedies which help with the nerves and also with self confidence.

I have had excellent results using Theta Healing. This has enabled  people to eliminate the negativity they have about themselves very easily and effectively. When the negativity is released then there is a feeling of greater  self worth and with that comes ease.

If you would like to become one of the minority who are comfortable and at ease with themselves.

Please call me on  – 07979538 378 to find out more

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given a an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see how they have overcome their nerves and how their confidence has grown

Fear of Public Speaking – and what can be done about it

They say that most people would endure any ordeal rather than speak in public. Even some of our most celebrated actors are reduced to a quivering fearful jelly before each performance.

Many of us have experienced the symptoms:

  • A dry mouth,
  • breaking out into a sweat,
  • stomach upset,
  • nausea and vomiting,
  • sleepless night,
  • unable to eat,
  • forgetting what we were about to say,
  • convinced that what we need to say is incredibly dull and that no-one wants to listen to us – so we cut out a lot of the information we were about to give.

Then we stand there in front of our audience or interviewer and give the wooden performance of our lives. Our body language is stiff and shows our fear. The audience is embarrassed and becomes anxious and we wish the floor would open up and swallow us whole.

Though that is an extreme example – many of us will have experienced some of these symptoms.

Most of us don’t need to put ourselves into that position and can avoid public speaking. But there are many who have to speak in public, and generally be in the public eye as part of their job…

One of my clients – an analyst in the City – had to conduct seminars, give expert opinion on Radio and TV and inform the press. He was brilliant at being an analyst but everything else caused constant fear and anxiety. He had been in his career for a number of years and instead of becoming used to being in public – it was getting worse. He knew what a poor show he put on and that what he had to say sounded dull and boring. This began to affect his dealings with his colleagues. …….and so it went on.

In over 20 years as a homeopath and later as an NLP Master Practitioner and Theta Healer – I have seen many people with stage fright , exam nerves and a terror of appearing in public.

There are several ways of tackling this.

Tranquilisers and sleeping pills help up to a point – but you lose your edge and they can make you drowsy. Besides – it is much better to not have to rely on drugs if you can help it.

Homeopathic remedies can greatly reduce stage fright and the anxiety felt on the days leading up to an event. Over a period of time they can also deal with the lack of confidence that makes people so frightened of appearing in public. They have the advantage of being gentle and safe for all ages, and they are not addictive.

But to my mind the greatest success comes when the cause of the fear is discovered and dealt with. This is where Theta healing or NLP come in. I have found that my clients have responded extremely well to Theta. That panic and dread have been replaced by confidence, motivation, and yes – even a sense of enjoyment. And the transformation has lasted without having to top up on drugs and pills.

The Analyst was treated with Theta Healing and homeopathic remedies. He has turned his performance around and has recently been head hunted for a significantly better job.

If you’d like to know more about Homeopathy and Theta Healing– please go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com