Huffington Post Article – Divorce

Huffington Post Article – Divorce

Even when you both agree it’s the best thing – getting divorced is a major upheaval. But more often than not the reason for the breakup involves bad behaviour and betrayal.

In my interview with Theta Healer Deborah Talalay, she reveals here the deeper effects of divorce, how they can ruin your chances of finding a new partner, and what you can do about it.

“There are some unavoidable side effects to the process of divorce:

The effects of divorce

  • The betrayal of your love and the loss of your dreams
  • The hurt to your feelings
  • The loss of your confidence and self-esteem
  • And the probability that finances are going to be a real problem

Then there are the issues around the children and access and the battle for their affections and their support. It’s not surprising that there is often such a residue of anger and bitterness.

Being single is the least of your problems

In a way – I believe that these emotions present an even greater problem to the divorcee than their new single status. These are the emotions which make you into an angry, sour and unattractive individual. Until you have worked through them – you’re unlikely to find another partner.

It’s astonishing how many people drum up the confidence to start dating again, and then spend their entire first date talking about how awful their ex was. Not a recipe for a successful match. Of course – there is never a second date.

So it’s really important to get the divorce or the breakup of your relationship out of your system first, before attempting to find a new partner.

Getting ready to date post-divorce

Use the opportunity to work on the reasons why your partnership failed, so that when you do go into a new partnership it doesn’t become a repeat of the old.

Theta Healing has helped the people I have worked with transform their feelings of hurt and betrayal, and has produced rapid and effective change.

If you would like help with a breakup and all the grief and negativity that has been released, there are free videos available to help you, which explain what Theta Healing is and how it works, as well as videos which will enable you to rapidly and effectively move away from the old and into the new.”

The Secret to Better Relationships

Invite better and closer relationships into your life

You don’t need a special issue to benefit from The Stamford Transformation Videos and you don’t need to be unhappy. In fact it’s an excellent opportunity to make your existing relationships even closer and better.

The issues and beliefs that we all have lurking just underneath the surface colour the relationships we have. Sometimes it’s like the elephant in the room – you know there’s an issue there and no one acknowledges it. It’s too dangerous. It’ll unleash too much emotion. What will the consequences be?

So we pretend it’s all fine.

But is it all fine?
Just because you’re able to function – doesn’t resolve anything.
And so the tension accumulates.
By the time it bursts – you have a major issue on your hands instead of one that could have been dealt with easily and effectively at a much earlier stage.

Often – these issues aren’t even yours.
We all carry patterning inherited from our ancestors and other sources which consciously we would be appalled at.
This patterning is something we live with whether conscious of it or not. It acts as an invisible brake on what we do and what we want to achieve.
We might have the brake on in one area of our lives and not in another.
When we clean ourselves of this patterning we enhance our actions, heal our relationships and invite extraordinary happenings into our lives.
By clearing our energy we invite wonderful people into our lives. We allow the people we’re with to be more wonderful with us – and we allow the flow of the Universe to reach us without obstacles.

So instead of letting the unspoken irritations and disappointments build up – do something about it now.
Don’t wait for the other person to change. That’s what they’re doing with you. It just builds up lots of point scoring and resentment.
Change yourself – because when you change your beliefs everyone else starts treating you differently.

Visit my website to find out more. Read how my clients’ lives have changed.
www.deborahtalalayhealing.com

Social Status

The one thing that will strike terror in a child’s heart is to be excluded.
This takes various forms and will be experienced as

  • Not being good enough for the in crowd.
  • Not being picked till last for a team.
  • Not being invited for outings or play dates.
  • Knowing that you are only invited if the whole class is going.

Kids need to know what their social standing is and how they rank against the other kids – where they stand in the social pecking order.
This is where so much of the mean behaviour between children comes from.
A child who has led a sheltered life and comes from a home where he is the apple of his family’s eye, often has a rude awakening when he gets to school.

In order for me to be better – you have to be worse.
And just in case anyone has any doubt about me being better – I will tell everyone what’s wrong with you. And if there isn’t anything wrong with you – I’ll make it up!

You probably recognise it – hordes of kids picking on one or two others so they can prove that they are superior. It’s called bullying which I talked about earlier this month, and it comes from desperation to be top of the pile, to have top social status. Because the opposite of social status is social exclusion. And the way you know you have social status is because others are not good enough and are excluded from your circle of friends.

The reason kids want high fashion items is not because these items are so much better – but because they prove how superior that child must be. Conversely – an item from Primark or BHS will actually prove to the child and to his classmates that he has no social status and that no self respecting person should want to associate with him. So that child is ashamed of what they are wearing and fearful that it might lead to their exclusion.

I remember one boy who was in the First Eleven at his school. He was a football star and reaped the admiration and popularity that went with it. He could do no wrong with the girls and he was always included in any social gathering. Until one day he had an injury. He got over the injury but every time he played football the injured part flared. So he had to stop playing.
His place was filled by another boy, and the team went on without him. He couldn’t be part of the group and his friends started to be less friendly and to not include him in other events. But this wasn’t just about not being part of a group that shared an experience. This was about losing his social standing which had depended on him being a football star. Since he no longer had his place as a star – he could not enhance the reputation of these friends – so was no longer worth knowing. It was a very painful experience for the boy. His confidence was completely shattered for a long time, but he learned from it and chose his next friends with greater care.

A child aspiring to social status has to take care that they are never seen to be friendly with so called losers – even if they secretly quite like them. They cannot side with them or rescue them if they are being bullied. In fact – a child who is unsure of his social standing could well be the loudest and the meanest just to prove that he isn’t a loser.

This is part of the growing up process in our culture. Maybe when we see it in our children we would handle it better if we understand the insecurities which give rise to this behaviour. Maybe we could reassure them that the other kids don’t have to be inferior so that they can be amazing, and that another child being good at something does not automatically mean our child is inferior – but that everyone can be amazing in their own different way.

If you would like help in letting go of your insecurities, you may find that Theta Healing will help:
Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more
Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

Bullying

It is the start of the school year and our children have gone back to school.

Some are starting in secondary school, and some have moved to a different school. This is the time when they will have to meet different and higher expectations from their teachers. It is also the time when children will have been separated from their friends and will have to make new friendships.

It is a time of increased anxiety and vulnerability for a lot of children, especially if they have been put into a class which they don’t like, or have been put in with people who have formed bonds and are unwilling to let anyone else in.

Children can be amazingly unkind to each other.  They can exclude another child for being a little different to them – if they have a different skin colour or religion, if they wear glasses, if they have a physical defect – a stammer or lisp. Sometimes a child will be excluded for no good reason at all – just to make their tormentors feel they are on top – The King – by making another look and feel inadequate and small.

These are the first steps towards bullying.

Often a person will be bullied because someone is jealous. I know people who having been confident and popular then one day found themselves sent to Coventry and have never really understood why.  The reason is usually that someone else was jealous of their popularity and decided to spread some venom to make them unpopular. The other people in the class will join in with the bully for fear of getting the same treatment, and before you know it this child or teenager will find they have been completely marginalised.

Other scenarios include tormenting someone by hitting them or hurting them when no one else is looking. If the youngster complains he’s immediately accused of being a mummy’s boy or a grass and sinks deeper into the trap. Many kids have their lunch or lunch money stolen from them.

I remember when a child I know was being bullied.  No one knew about it till halfway through the term when he started wetting the bed.

He hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about it. He was deeply hurt that his best friend had joined the bullies. This was a case of being too popular for his rival’s comfort – though the child had not even realised the other was a rival. He was told that if he submitted to physical tortures he would be allowed to join the games. He refused. So he spent every playtime entirely alone.

When his parents found out, there was some discussion about leaving it to the child to deal with, and that parents shouldn’t interfere. I couldn’t disagree with this more.

The consequences of having been bullied are appalling.

Anyone who is being tormented and bullied has had their confidence severely knocked. They are usually led to believe that it’s because of something they’ve done – or because of who they are.  That it’s all their fault. They are terrified of making it worse by going to someone in authority. Many youngsters pretend they are unwell rather than face their tormentors.  Some actually do become ill. And tragically, some take their own lives.

I have met people who hide from life – who are unable to work or form a relationship because they have been bullied in school – whose trust in their fellow humans has been completely ruined – whose lives have been ruined.

It is the same as with any form of abuse – the victim is the one who is made to feel that none of this would have happened if there had not been something terribly wrong with them.

It is crucial that any adult seeing that their child has become introverted, or wondering why their child is withdrawn should find out what is going on, and consider the possibility that their child is being bullied. The child may be quite reluctant to speak about it. Don’t let that stop you.

Tell the authorities. If they don’t take immediate and decisive action, remove the child from that school.  The consequences of leaving a youngster to fend for himself are too dreadful.

The parents of the young boy decided to tell the school their son was being bullied, and it was dealt with immediately. The entire school was drawn into a discussion on bullying. The bully was made to understand what he had done and the teachers kept a very close eye on the people involved to make sure it did not start up again.

There one or two who have been strengthened by being forced to stand alone. The majority have been severely traumatised and often for life.

In my practice, Theta Healing has restored the victim’s confidence and sense of worth, and has enabled men and women to start to build their lives.

Most people do not have the opportunity to have this treatment, so let us be alert while it is happening and stop it before it takes hold.

Make sure that bullying is stopped, whether in the workplace, at home or at school – that it is nipped in the bud – that the bullies understand what they have done and that they are punished.

If you would like help in rebuilding your sense of worth and your confidence, you may find that Theta Healing will help:
Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more.
Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.