Tag: Fear

Public Speaking

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 11/09/2020 , ,

Public Speaking

This month, the focus for our Monthly Healing Group is Public Speaking.

Public Speaking is rated as being more stressful and inducing more fear than most other activities. Why should that be?

I have seen people reduced to nervous paralysis when faced with speaking in front of others. These people are perfectly able to talk and do well, with amazing careers. So why should the thought of getting up in front of others fill them with such fear and dread?

I believe that underlying the fear of public speaking is the fear of rejection and humiliation.

That if we take a lead, we will expose ourselves and invite all sorts of put downs and ridicule. Many of us have been bullied at school and this would have left scars. Feeling unworthy and not good enough – however successful they might be – is an issue for many people.

For some people it’s a bit like sitting an exam – fearing that your mind will go blank and that you will forget everything at the last minute.

Or is there someone you don’t get on with or who persistently undermines you, that you fear exposing yourself to?

There are many reasons – but the underlying fears are about how we rate ourselves and how others rate us – about our place in society about being judged and condemned. That is something all of us suffer from to some degree.

So, I’m looking forward to seeing everyone on Tuesday 29th September, when we will be healed of some of these fears and beliefs.

Debbie

 

Change is scary – Dealing with Change

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 24/04/2015 , , , ,

I wanted to get you thinking about the opportunities we all have in dealing with changes in our lives.

Dealing with change – Often we put off making those changes.

Dealing with change is scary – we run away from pain and when we’re not in crisis we may find it easier to live in an uncomfortable comfort zone rather than making changes. When supported by The Stamford Transformation Process dealing with change doesn’t need to be as scary or painful as you think and then letting go of your blocks becomes really easy – and so liberating. You’ll find that your life will reflect the changes you’ve made in a very positive way. So – please don’t be afraid of continuing to heal. Don’t be afraid of being the best version of yourself you can be, and don’t be frightened that you may have to make painful changes if you allow yourself to release your blocks. You will always have the choice of leaving things as they are, but you are likely to feel a lot better about your situation after the blocks have been released.

Let me leave you with something to think about:

What is it about your situation that’s working for you that you don’t want to lose? · What needs to happen for you to start living your best life? The issues you have that prevent you moving forwards can be resolved effectively and painlessly with The Stamford Transformation videos The healing in the Transformation videos is the most powerful gift given to us that I have seen in over 25 years as a therapist.

I’m Not Good Enough

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 15/09/2011 , , , ,

So many of us are plagued with this belief and the anxiety it causes.

‘I’m not as good or as clever or as capable as………………….’

‘People think I know what I’m doing and I’m only a small step ahead of them’

‘It’s just a fluke I got to where I am. It’s just luck.’

‘I can’t allow anyone to see just how anxious I am or they’ll understand that really I’m not up to the job.’

‘I can’t allow anyone near me or they’ll find out I’m a fraud.’

It’s surprising how many people who are at the top of their professions feel like this. You’d never guess – they keep it very well hidden.

If you were to ask someone else about that person they would probably tell you how great they are and what an inspiration they have been, and if you told that person they would be astonished.

Other people’s perception of us is often quite different to how we think we are. They might rate you for things you take for granted or as something that really isn’t important.  But to others it has been meaningful.

We are so busy being down on ourselves for what we think of as our faults and failures – that we just don’t get it that these things are not what we are valued for.  I have often told people how great they are at something only to have them shrug it off and dismiss it as unimportant compared to their faults.  They won’t receive it as the genuine compliment it was meant to be, and they don’t believe that what I am complimenting them about is worth complimenting.

Alternatively – there are many who are convinced they are a fraud and it’s only by a fluke that they’re in the position they’re in.  They won’t let anyone close in case they find out how anxious they are and how inferior they believe themselves to be. So no one can get near them and they come over as remote. Often they are so busy stopping anyone getting near that they can be aggressive.

In both cases they are their own worst enemies. The underlying belief is that if they criticise themselves first no one else will get the chance to do it. So they criticise themselves for all sorts of real and imagined faults. Of course – what you have yourself is what you notice in others. So others come in for lots of judgement too.

All of this comes from a lack of confidence in oneself and the anxiety that you are somehow wrong.  That your best efforts aren’t good enough and that you are going to be judged by others. So then that person thinks that they will feel a lot better if they are as near perfect as they can make themselves.  Anything less that perfection amounts to failure.  This is an impossible standard to live to and breeds even more anxiety. Then if the smallest thing goes wrong it’s a catastrophe.  Have you noticed how anxious some people get when things don’t go according to their very carefully laid plans?

With the anxiety that we’re not good enough – comes the conviction that we’ve done something wrong – and the most terrible feelings of guilt.

So much anxiety as a result of one negative belief.

And so many defence mechanisms to go with it – all of which breed more anxiety.

I have found in my Theta Healing practice how scarce genuine self confidence is.

A number of factors may have contributed to lack of confidence and poor self esteem, but these factors are rarely based on reality. However, whether it’s real or not, the belief is enough to overshadow a person’s life.

I have also seen this destructive belief changed very rapidly to a real knowledge and recognition for that person of their strengths, and a recognition and the ability to work through their weaknesses.

If you would like to learn more about Theta Healing and how it can help remove beliefs which don’t serve you:-

Call me on: 07979538378

Email me at: debbie.talalay@gmail.com

Or go to my website to find out how Theta Healing and Homeopathy could help you. www.18.135.123.1

Exam Revision: – Does Facebook feature more prominently than text books?

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 01/06/2011 , , , ,

Exams are looming.

How does your teenager deal with them?

Is revision put off till the last possible moment until fear and panic set in?

Does Facebook feature more prominently than textbooks?

Or does she feel she can’t possibly revise the entire syllabus – doesn’t know where to start – so doesn’t do anything?

Or like one boy I treated – who was so terrified of sitting the exams he couldn’t bring himself to think about it – and that included revision.

Has procrastination becomes a way of life?

One parent told me of the sinking feeling of despair she had when she saw her clever but unmotivated son divide his time between yet another computer game and the TV. She told me how angry and upset she was that she was paying for a first class education so he could get a start in life – and how let down she felt that he was damaging his future by throwing away his opportunities and his potential, and that he hadn’t valued or recognised the effort his parents were making to send him to his school.

In these very common scenarios no amount of cajoling or bribery make any difference and guilt trips only succeed in making them even more stubborn.

It can look like laziness, but in my experience there is no such thing as a lazy child.

What I have seen are children whose attitude and performance are clouded by negative beliefs and low expectations of themselves. There are many who believe that they are not as clever as parents or brothers and sisters – they believe they will never live up to their family’s expectations of them and can’t possibly compete with the family track record. So they decide that they won’t put anything into it, and that will mean that they haven’t failed because they didn’t even try. You can’t fail if you don’t compete in the first place.

Belief: “I am not good enough”  lies beneath low expectations and poor performance.

What we are looking at is avoidance rather than laziness:

• Avoidance of failure and humiliation if they try and then fail, or if they try and the results are just mediocre.
• Avoidance of the disappointment of parents and themselves if they decide to try and then perform badly.
• Avoidance of the confirmation that they are not good enough.

Failure and fear of failure are responsible for a lot of negative attitude.

 

• Avoidance of being thought of as a nerd or a boffin. This one has a lot to do with the school and if it’s judged to be uncool if you’re clever.

You could lose your social status, which would be infinitely worse than failing a few exams.

The fear of being seen as too clever can make a teenager underperform

Then there’s the inability to concentrate – sometimes classified as ADHD. If your teenager comes into this category, there is plenty that can be done to not only help, but to transform the situation. Homeopathic remedies and Theta Healing are both powerful tools.

Ritalin is often prescribed by the medical profession. I personally, do not believe that Ritalin is the answer or even a temporary solution. It does not cure the underlying causes and you end up with a child living under a permanent drug regime.

I have treated teenagers for all these beliefs and problems.  Some of them have been very alienated, and in these cases it has taken them longer to get them back on track. But it can be done.

It’s not the studying that’s the problem – it’s the beliefs surrounding the studying.

These can be changed.

The fastest and most effective method I have found is Theta Healing.

On my website www.18.135.123.1. I have an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works. If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see a message from a mother whose daughter began doing much better in her exams and with her revision after Theta Healing.

If you would like to find out more, please contact me on:  07979538 378

Fear of Public Speaking – some hints to improve your performance and some underlying causes

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 25/04/2011 , , , , ,

For those of us  who do not belong in a corporate background and who are not at home with preparing  power point presentations, but are still expected to get up in front of an audience and deliver a speech – public speaking can be very daunting.

So here’s a few confidence boosters and also a quick look at why we become so anxious.

  • Be prepared. Its not a good idea to hope that inspiration comes to you on the day. Neither is it realistic to expect to remember the facts and figures when you are nervous.. If you expect to be nervous – you will probably forget everything or get it wrong. Having the facts and figures in front of you is a good confidence booster.
  • Is what you have to say well written and interesting? Because if it isn’t start there and rewrite so you know you have a coherent  presentation to deliver.
  • Your audience generally wishes you well, so expect them to welcome and be open to what you have to say.
  • They  will want to be entertained as well as informed, so one or two light hearted anecdotes usually helps everyone to relax.
  • Wear smart clothes and make sure that they are not too tight and that you can breathe properly. Ladies – don’t wear your killer heels – you’ll probably regret it.
  • Always stand when addressing your audience and answering their questions. I’m amazed at how often people forget to do this. Its very annoying to not be able to see the speaker.
  • Be inclusive of the entire audience. Walk about on the stage even if you do have a podium. It allows you to communicate more easily with different parts of the room.  Ensure you make eye contact and include the people in every part of the room – otherwise part of your audience might feel rejected.

Still terrified?

Have you prepared  your material really well, rehearsed  it  – learned some of it – and yet are still terrified at the idea of standing alone in public?

Why?

If the material you have to put over is relevant and interesting, what makes you seize up? What stops you communicating in a relaxed and friendly manner?

Some of the reasons why.

Fear of speaking in public is as widespread as it is because of the underlying fears which are a common element of the human condition.

This is a fear of being criticised, judged and ultimately found wanting.

And under that is the fear that perhaps you are not quite good enough and that this will be discovered and highlighted  if you are in the spotlight.

To effectively overcome these fears it is important to work on how you feel about yourself. Do you like and respect yourself? Do you expect others to like and respect you – or do you expect them to pick holes in you, reject your views and in general become hostile. Above all – are you at ease with yourself?

Its no wonder so many actors are scared to death.  They used to be pelted with rotten tomatoes if the audience didn’t like them. Even without the tomatoes – to be at the receiving end of a bored, hostile or alienated audience feels terrible.

The people who are the most successful in engaging their audience are at ease with themselves. They don’t have to deliver the wittiest or the most intellectually challenging speech. But they do have to be at ease with themselves.

To be at ease is not as difficult as it sounds.

There are many homeopathic remedies which help with the nerves and also with self confidence.

I have had excellent results using Theta Healing. This has enabled  people to eliminate the negativity they have about themselves very easily and effectively. When the negativity is released then there is a feeling of greater  self worth and with that comes ease.

If you would like to become one of the minority who are comfortable and at ease with themselves.

Please call me on  – 07979538 378 to find out more

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given a an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see how they have overcome their nerves and how their confidence has grown

Fear of Public Speaking – and what can be done about it

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 18/04/2011 , , , ,

They say that most people would endure any ordeal rather than speak in public. Even some of our most celebrated actors are reduced to a quivering fearful jelly before each performance.

Many of us have experienced the symptoms:

  • A dry mouth,
  • breaking out into a sweat,
  • stomach upset,
  • nausea and vomiting,
  • sleepless night,
  • unable to eat,
  • forgetting what we were about to say,
  • convinced that what we need to say is incredibly dull and that no-one wants to listen to us – so we cut out a lot of the information we were about to give.

Then we stand there in front of our audience or interviewer and give the wooden performance of our lives. Our body language is stiff and shows our fear. The audience is embarrassed and becomes anxious and we wish the floor would open up and swallow us whole.

Though that is an extreme example – many of us will have experienced some of these symptoms.

Most of us don’t need to put ourselves into that position and can avoid public speaking. But there are many who have to speak in public, and generally be in the public eye as part of their job…

One of my clients – an analyst in the City – had to conduct seminars, give expert opinion on Radio and TV and inform the press. He was brilliant at being an analyst but everything else caused constant fear and anxiety. He had been in his career for a number of years and instead of becoming used to being in public – it was getting worse. He knew what a poor show he put on and that what he had to say sounded dull and boring. This began to affect his dealings with his colleagues. …….and so it went on.

In over 20 years as a homeopath and later as an NLP Master Practitioner and Theta Healer – I have seen many people with stage fright , exam nerves and a terror of appearing in public.

There are several ways of tackling this.

Tranquilisers and sleeping pills help up to a point – but you lose your edge and they can make you drowsy. Besides – it is much better to not have to rely on drugs if you can help it.

Homeopathic remedies can greatly reduce stage fright and the anxiety felt on the days leading up to an event. Over a period of time they can also deal with the lack of confidence that makes people so frightened of appearing in public. They have the advantage of being gentle and safe for all ages, and they are not addictive.

But to my mind the greatest success comes when the cause of the fear is discovered and dealt with. This is where Theta healing or NLP come in. I have found that my clients have responded extremely well to Theta. That panic and dread have been replaced by confidence, motivation, and yes – even a sense of enjoyment. And the transformation has lasted without having to top up on drugs and pills.

The Analyst was treated with Theta Healing and homeopathic remedies. He has turned his performance around and has recently been head hunted for a significantly better job.

If you’d like to know more about Homeopathy and Theta Healing– please go to my website www.18.135.123.1