Tag: Issues

Social Status

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 17/10/2011 , , , ,

The one thing that will strike terror in a child’s heart is to be excluded.
This takes various forms and will be experienced as

  • Not being good enough for the in crowd.
  • Not being picked till last for a team.
  • Not being invited for outings or play dates.
  • Knowing that you are only invited if the whole class is going.

Kids need to know what their social standing is and how they rank against the other kids – where they stand in the social pecking order.
This is where so much of the mean behaviour between children comes from.
A child who has led a sheltered life and comes from a home where he is the apple of his family’s eye, often has a rude awakening when he gets to school.

In order for me to be better – you have to be worse.
And just in case anyone has any doubt about me being better – I will tell everyone what’s wrong with you. And if there isn’t anything wrong with you – I’ll make it up!

You probably recognise it – hordes of kids picking on one or two others so they can prove that they are superior. It’s called bullying which I talked about earlier this month, and it comes from desperation to be top of the pile, to have top social status. Because the opposite of social status is social exclusion. And the way you know you have social status is because others are not good enough and are excluded from your circle of friends.

The reason kids want high fashion items is not because these items are so much better – but because they prove how superior that child must be. Conversely – an item from Primark or BHS will actually prove to the child and to his classmates that he has no social status and that no self respecting person should want to associate with him. So that child is ashamed of what they are wearing and fearful that it might lead to their exclusion.

I remember one boy who was in the First Eleven at his school. He was a football star and reaped the admiration and popularity that went with it. He could do no wrong with the girls and he was always included in any social gathering. Until one day he had an injury. He got over the injury but every time he played football the injured part flared. So he had to stop playing.
His place was filled by another boy, and the team went on without him. He couldn’t be part of the group and his friends started to be less friendly and to not include him in other events. But this wasn’t just about not being part of a group that shared an experience. This was about losing his social standing which had depended on him being a football star. Since he no longer had his place as a star – he could not enhance the reputation of these friends – so was no longer worth knowing. It was a very painful experience for the boy. His confidence was completely shattered for a long time, but he learned from it and chose his next friends with greater care.

A child aspiring to social status has to take care that they are never seen to be friendly with so called losers – even if they secretly quite like them. They cannot side with them or rescue them if they are being bullied. In fact – a child who is unsure of his social standing could well be the loudest and the meanest just to prove that he isn’t a loser.

This is part of the growing up process in our culture. Maybe when we see it in our children we would handle it better if we understand the insecurities which give rise to this behaviour. Maybe we could reassure them that the other kids don’t have to be inferior so that they can be amazing, and that another child being good at something does not automatically mean our child is inferior – but that everyone can be amazing in their own different way.

If you would like help in letting go of your insecurities, you may find that Theta Healing will help:
Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more
Go to my website www.18.135.123.1. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

Bullying

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 03/10/2011 , , , , ,

It is the start of the school year and our children have gone back to school.

Some are starting in secondary school, and some have moved to a different school. This is the time when they will have to meet different and higher expectations from their teachers. It is also the time when children will have been separated from their friends and will have to make new friendships.

It is a time of increased anxiety and vulnerability for a lot of children, especially if they have been put into a class which they don’t like, or have been put in with people who have formed bonds and are unwilling to let anyone else in.

Children can be amazingly unkind to each other.  They can exclude another child for being a little different to them – if they have a different skin colour or religion, if they wear glasses, if they have a physical defect – a stammer or lisp. Sometimes a child will be excluded for no good reason at all – just to make their tormentors feel they are on top – The King – by making another look and feel inadequate and small.

These are the first steps towards bullying.

Often a person will be bullied because someone is jealous. I know people who having been confident and popular then one day found themselves sent to Coventry and have never really understood why.  The reason is usually that someone else was jealous of their popularity and decided to spread some venom to make them unpopular. The other people in the class will join in with the bully for fear of getting the same treatment, and before you know it this child or teenager will find they have been completely marginalised.

Other scenarios include tormenting someone by hitting them or hurting them when no one else is looking. If the youngster complains he’s immediately accused of being a mummy’s boy or a grass and sinks deeper into the trap. Many kids have their lunch or lunch money stolen from them.

I remember when a child I know was being bullied.  No one knew about it till halfway through the term when he started wetting the bed.

He hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about it. He was deeply hurt that his best friend had joined the bullies. This was a case of being too popular for his rival’s comfort – though the child had not even realised the other was a rival. He was told that if he submitted to physical tortures he would be allowed to join the games. He refused. So he spent every playtime entirely alone.

When his parents found out, there was some discussion about leaving it to the child to deal with, and that parents shouldn’t interfere. I couldn’t disagree with this more.

The consequences of having been bullied are appalling.

Anyone who is being tormented and bullied has had their confidence severely knocked. They are usually led to believe that it’s because of something they’ve done – or because of who they are.  That it’s all their fault. They are terrified of making it worse by going to someone in authority. Many youngsters pretend they are unwell rather than face their tormentors.  Some actually do become ill. And tragically, some take their own lives.

I have met people who hide from life – who are unable to work or form a relationship because they have been bullied in school – whose trust in their fellow humans has been completely ruined – whose lives have been ruined.

It is the same as with any form of abuse – the victim is the one who is made to feel that none of this would have happened if there had not been something terribly wrong with them.

It is crucial that any adult seeing that their child has become introverted, or wondering why their child is withdrawn should find out what is going on, and consider the possibility that their child is being bullied. The child may be quite reluctant to speak about it. Don’t let that stop you.

Tell the authorities. If they don’t take immediate and decisive action, remove the child from that school.  The consequences of leaving a youngster to fend for himself are too dreadful.

The parents of the young boy decided to tell the school their son was being bullied, and it was dealt with immediately. The entire school was drawn into a discussion on bullying. The bully was made to understand what he had done and the teachers kept a very close eye on the people involved to make sure it did not start up again.

There one or two who have been strengthened by being forced to stand alone. The majority have been severely traumatised and often for life.

In my practice, Theta Healing has restored the victim’s confidence and sense of worth, and has enabled men and women to start to build their lives.

Most people do not have the opportunity to have this treatment, so let us be alert while it is happening and stop it before it takes hold.

Make sure that bullying is stopped, whether in the workplace, at home or at school – that it is nipped in the bud – that the bullies understand what they have done and that they are punished.

If you would like help in rebuilding your sense of worth and your confidence, you may find that Theta Healing will help:
Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more.
Go to my website www.18.135.123.1. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

I’m Not Good Enough

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 15/09/2011 , , , ,

So many of us are plagued with this belief and the anxiety it causes.

‘I’m not as good or as clever or as capable as………………….’

‘People think I know what I’m doing and I’m only a small step ahead of them’

‘It’s just a fluke I got to where I am. It’s just luck.’

‘I can’t allow anyone to see just how anxious I am or they’ll understand that really I’m not up to the job.’

‘I can’t allow anyone near me or they’ll find out I’m a fraud.’

It’s surprising how many people who are at the top of their professions feel like this. You’d never guess – they keep it very well hidden.

If you were to ask someone else about that person they would probably tell you how great they are and what an inspiration they have been, and if you told that person they would be astonished.

Other people’s perception of us is often quite different to how we think we are. They might rate you for things you take for granted or as something that really isn’t important.  But to others it has been meaningful.

We are so busy being down on ourselves for what we think of as our faults and failures – that we just don’t get it that these things are not what we are valued for.  I have often told people how great they are at something only to have them shrug it off and dismiss it as unimportant compared to their faults.  They won’t receive it as the genuine compliment it was meant to be, and they don’t believe that what I am complimenting them about is worth complimenting.

Alternatively – there are many who are convinced they are a fraud and it’s only by a fluke that they’re in the position they’re in.  They won’t let anyone close in case they find out how anxious they are and how inferior they believe themselves to be. So no one can get near them and they come over as remote. Often they are so busy stopping anyone getting near that they can be aggressive.

In both cases they are their own worst enemies. The underlying belief is that if they criticise themselves first no one else will get the chance to do it. So they criticise themselves for all sorts of real and imagined faults. Of course – what you have yourself is what you notice in others. So others come in for lots of judgement too.

All of this comes from a lack of confidence in oneself and the anxiety that you are somehow wrong.  That your best efforts aren’t good enough and that you are going to be judged by others. So then that person thinks that they will feel a lot better if they are as near perfect as they can make themselves.  Anything less that perfection amounts to failure.  This is an impossible standard to live to and breeds even more anxiety. Then if the smallest thing goes wrong it’s a catastrophe.  Have you noticed how anxious some people get when things don’t go according to their very carefully laid plans?

With the anxiety that we’re not good enough – comes the conviction that we’ve done something wrong – and the most terrible feelings of guilt.

So much anxiety as a result of one negative belief.

And so many defence mechanisms to go with it – all of which breed more anxiety.

I have found in my Theta Healing practice how scarce genuine self confidence is.

A number of factors may have contributed to lack of confidence and poor self esteem, but these factors are rarely based on reality. However, whether it’s real or not, the belief is enough to overshadow a person’s life.

I have also seen this destructive belief changed very rapidly to a real knowledge and recognition for that person of their strengths, and a recognition and the ability to work through their weaknesses.

If you would like to learn more about Theta Healing and how it can help remove beliefs which don’t serve you:-

Call me on: 07979538378

Email me at: debbie.talalay@gmail.com

Or go to my website to find out how Theta Healing and Homeopathy could help you. www.18.135.123.1

I am always anxious

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 01/09/2011 , , ,

“I am so stressed and there’s nothing I can do to slow down because so many people are dependent on me.”

Life has become so fast. We expect to do things and have things done for us instantly, if not yesterday.  Any delay sends us into a rage. If there is a wait behind a car which is a bit slow off the mark at a traffic light, the horns start blasting away. We have so much packed into each day, that unless everything goes perfectly – which it rarely does – we are unable to fulfil the commitments we have made. We arrive late and flustered – and we have no reserves to deal with the many little unexpected happenings that each day brings.

We’re proud of being able to multitask, and we end up by giving only a tiny part of our attention to whatever we’re doing. A parent pushing a stroller with a young child in it and with a phone clamped to her ear is a familiar sight. The child is ignored or pacified with a dummy or food if it wants attention.

We end up doing a lot – but we lose the ability to be, to communicate and relate to each other.

This is having life by the throat – so there is no room to breathe or to relax. Do it for long enough and everything becomes a burden – something to be done or to get through and it breeds irritability and ANXIETY.

Anxiety that;-

  • I won’t be able to achieve all I’ve set out to do.
  • That I’ll let people down and that they will be angry or annoyed with me.
  • That people will think less of me
  • That I will let myself down
  • That I’ll deprive my children and family in some way.
  • That I am not as competent as my friends and acquaintances.

Women are usually the ones running around trying to do what is needed for the family and holding down a job at the same time. The media have promoted the idea of the modern super woman who can grow her own vegetables, bottle and preserve them, make cakes and jam and all before setting out for her day in the executive boardroom.

Even if we like living like that – we can only keep it up for so long before the cracks begin to appear.

The price we pay is in our relationships – both with ourselves and with others.

We have completely failed to nourish ourselves and all we have is a sense of achievement for having done so much.

Nourishing ourselves can happen in different ways and they are all important.

We can start by giving ourselves the time to be with ourselves and with our thoughts. We need the time for the mind to be free of duty and responsibility so that it can float free and come up with ideas or so it can resolve a problem which has been lurking in the background.  We are not machines even if we treat ourselves like one.  We need the time to renew our energy and to clear ourselves from our recent experiences. If we don’t do this we create a backlog for the subconscious mind to deal with when we have the time. So it keeps prompting us to remember this thing and that problem which we have stored until we can sort them out. These constant reminders become anxiety.

Human beings all need to connect. Connection is what gives our lives meaning. What passes for connection is often at the surface as we don’t have the time for the connection to develop and for the energy of that connection to flow. We need to give ourselves the time and space to listen to ourselves and connect with our unconscious mind and to let that take us where it will. What we actually do is to stop any communication with ourselves by living in a constant whirlwind of activity and with a constant background of noise.

We have become estranged from ourselves and disconnected from others.

Anxiety is our warning signal that we are not getting it right and that we need to re-evaluate what we want from our lives and how to go about it. Our anxiety is, in general, not about the circumstances of our lives.  Even when these are difficult – if we feel centred and balanced we can deal with difficult circumstances and take them in our stride.

My belief is that our anxiety is because we won’t take the time to be with ourselves and with others and because we are denying ourselves the fundamental nutrition of connection.

If you would like help in reconnecting with yourself and with others, you may find that Theta Healing will help:

Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more.

Go to my website www.18.135.123.1. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

Losing Weight

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 15/08/2011 , , , ,

What we lose is what we must try to find again

Saying we are losing weight is really sending the wrong message to the brain. Because what we lose is what we must make every effort to find again. Perhaps that’s why so many of us are on the roller coaster of weight loss followed by instant and rapid weight gain.

Slimming becomes much more difficult as you get older. The metabolism slows down, and all the treats, snacks and alcohol just go straight to the waistline and the hips. If you’ve ever played Monopoly

– do not pass go

– do not collect your £200

Just go straight to the hips!

One of the problems of ageing is that the digestive system has taken a battering over the years. The liver may not be functioning properly and you may have low level diabetes, both of which will make it harder to shed weight. If the body has developed intolerance to certain foods, it won’t know how to deal with this and will just store these foods as fat.

Then there’s the Thyroid gland which is often out of balance or which under reacts the older we get. The Thyroid is responsible for a great many of the functions of our bodies, including the regulation of weight. If the Thyroid is sluggish shedding weight becomes very difficult.

Then there’s the mindset which needs to be tackled before even beginning on any sort of diet.

This includes

  • the compulsion to reward ourselves with food
  • the knowledge that an emotional pain can be temporarily eased by eating sweets, pastries, chocolate.
  • and, of course, the knowledge that drinking alcohol will not only ease the pain – but will make us temporarily forget.

There are also the beliefs of scarcity – that there is not enough and that you have to eat while food is available. When I was growing up, we were all told that we must not waste food and must finish off everything on our plates because of the poor starving children in Biafra or in China. Of course, if we didn’t finish our food the poor starving children would not have benefitted, and what we did was to teach ourselves to overeat.  This way of thinking was drummed into us after WW11 because food had been rationed and many foods were not available. So there was a much greater respect for food and the whole process of growing it and making it available to everyone. As someone who grew up with that – I think it is all wrong the way we waste food, especially as in many parts of the world there is not enough to eat.

My rethink on this is: – rather than finish off a large portion of food instead of wasting it, learn to take smaller portions and take more if still hungry. It’s surprising how much less is needed to satisfy the appetite.

There are so many diets available and they won’t all suit you. So when deciding which one to do – pick one with foods you like and which you think you can keep to. If you hate every minute and think of it as torture and deprivation, you will soon break the diet and probably go on a binge to make up for the disappointment.

But it is pointless to start on any diet if you haven’t prepared.

  • Exercise regularly to increase your metabolic rate and to burn off the excess fat. Once a week is not enough!
  • Cut out the foods you are sensitive or intolerant to. They can often block the process of shedding weight.
  • If you think your body doesn’t react well enough – get your liver, thyroid and sugar levels checked.
  • Take a look at some of your beliefs around eating. If your beliefs are making you put the weight right back on, consider seeing a Theta Healer who will help you to remove them and to install beliefs which will serve you better

If you would like to learn more about Theta Healing and how it can help remove beliefs which don’t serve you:-

Call me on: 07979538378

Email me at: debbie.talalay@gmail.com

Or go to my website to find out how Theta Healing and Homeopathy could help you. www.18.135.123.1

I Hate How I Look

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 01/08/2011 , , , ,

Dysmorphia – a mental disorder characterized by distorted body image and obsessions about perceived physical shortcomings

“I feel so gross – I can’t stand how I look” said a very pretty woman.

She was carrying a lot of weight around her hips and backside – but was still very attractive.

But she didn’t see it like that.  Her prettiness meant nothing to her. She couldn’t believe it that men found her attractive. She thought they just pitied her!

Any attempt to get her to take a fresh look at herself was met with scorn and was rejected.

“In some cultures men prefer women with a big bottom” said I.

But no – I was just trying to make her feel better – and this is how it is, and her only option was to hide her bottom and herself.

What a waste! So much energy and emotion devoted to hating herself.

It would be easy to lose patience, to class her as self obsessed and let her get on with it. But that would be to dismiss the great many people who are so deeply ashamed of some part of their body or the shape of their body, that they come to reject themselves. It is a real and widespread problem and has ruined many lives, not only of the sufferers but also of their families and friends.

The body part they hate becomes the reason for all the things that don’t happen and have gone wrong in their lives. Usually – it’s held responsible for lack of confidence and lack of confidence is held responsible for most of life’s ills – failing to have a partner, never getting promoted at work,

It is useless to try to cajole or tease a person out of it. Unless that person changes how they perceive their body – nothing you say will make any difference at all. They don’t see their body as you see it. To them – their reality is like standing in front of a distorting fairground mirror. That is how they look to themselves. They’re surprised you can’t see it as they do and think that maybe you can but are too polite to tell them how they really look.

If the problem is because a woman – and it’s usually a woman – thinks she’s overweight, it can become so severe that it results in an eating disorder – bulimia (induced vomiting) maybe followed by anorexia.  I have known anorexics who were quite convinced they were grossly overweight even though they were so thin their bones stood out under the skin.

How do people get like this?

It doesn’t help that the fashion industry seems to be mainly aimed at dressing stick insects. The ultra thin shape has become the desired shape for us ordinary mortals – and unless we restrict our diets to two lettuce leaves and 40 cigarettes a day – we are bound to fail.

It doesn’t matter to the fashion industry that to be that thin you have probably deprived your body of the nutrients needed to function as a woman, that you feel faint most of the time, that you have stopped menstruating and that you are unable to conceive. Though of course if you were to conceive – it would mean putting on weight and becoming larger – so maybe that’s not a problem after all.

So we try to look like these fashion models, and when we can’t we feel like failures and start to hate ourselves for not being able to achieve the desired goal. Next thing you know you’re binge eating then vomiting.

The problem may not be weight but your dislike of a body part – such as a large nose. If you have been passed over or rejected it is easy to feel unwanted and to blame this on your big nose and the embarrassment it causes you, plus your loss of self worth because you feel so unusual and so ugly.

In reality – the ugliest people are often really successful because they have decided that they must make themselves really good at something so that their ugliness doesn’t matter. Often they are the most charming and the most fun to be with.

We have been given so many gifts and attributes which we ignore because we don’t have the thing we want. It’s like a child stamping her foot and saying if she can’t have an ice cream then she doesn’t want her dinner.

Many people decide that surgery is their only answer. And yes – surgery can help to restore your confidence – because you now look like everyone else.

But this isn’t the deep down confidence of a person being happy in their own skin.

This kind of confidence only comes by accepting who you are.

It is much easier than one would think to learn how to accept and be happy with oneself. Theta Healing can achieve this easily and effectively.

If you are considering surgery – please make sure that you also learn how to feel happy in yourself so that your transformation can be more than just skin deep.

If you would like to learn more about Theta Healing and how it can help you feel good about yourself:-

Call me on: 07979538378

Email me at: debbie.talalay@gmail.com

Or go to my website to find out how Theta Healing and Homeopathy could help you. www.18.135.123.1

Exam Phobia

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 15/06/2011 , , , ,

There is a very different scenario to the teenager who won’t try. It’s the girl/boy who works well throughout the year – but when it comes to sitting down to take an exam fails himself miserably.

The coursework proves that the student has understood the subject and can discuss it with intelligence and insight.  And then you have the exam, in which the same student is completely incapable of summoning up any of the facts or of making any sort of argument or coherent discussion.

This phobia is very similar to fear of public speaking.

There is a feeling of such physical terror that the mind goes blank, the mouth becomes dry, a vacuum opens up between your ears, and you become incapable of recognising anything other than the dread in your heart and the terrible fear that accompanies it. Well learned facts and figures fly out of your mind. You can’t remember anyone’s name – let alone their dates.  You know you have failed yet again. The despair is overwhelming.

If you have exam phobia you will know that this creates all sorts of problems in other areas.

You don’t feel well – and often have nausea, stomach cramps and perhaps diarrhoea.

The expectation of performing badly means there is not much point in revising.

The dread of the approaching exam interferes with sleep – so you can spend a long time worrying and have difficulty getting to sleep. Then when you do – you have nightmares.

Your energy drains away and you feel too tired to revise.

Your confidence hits rock bottom.

The whole thing is a blight on your life.

If it’s your child going through this – you watch and wish you could do something more to help.  Is extra tuition the answer? Would a no – nonsense approach get better results? Should you put the child into a less academic environment?

You watch your child torture himself and you feel angry and impotent.

What is going to happen to the child who may be bright and have academic potential but who cannot compete in the race?

What sort of a life can this child expect?

Is he condemned to work at a level far less than his capabilities?

Luckily there are answers.

There are excellent homeopathic remedies which target this phobia.

Go to an experienced homeopath and they will find the remedy that most closely corresponds to the symptoms. Homeopathic remedies are safe and effective. You will not become addicted and your personality won’t be masked by them.

Go to a Theta Healer to find out why this phobia exists.

I have found that it is usually for the same reasons that are responsible for most of our negative and self limiting thinking.

A belief that:
• I’m not clever enough
• I’m not good enough
• I am unacceptable
• I’m a failure

And so the list goes on.

You may say that yours or your child’s situation is not as bad as has been described and that all this sounds very heavy duty. Of course – I have given the worst case scenario and there are many different levels of experience.

But the responsibility for all these levels of experience lies with the same beliefs – though maybe not as strongly felt.

Of course – most of us do not go around saying that we aren’t good enough, and we don’t think of ourselves as failures.  But in the back of the mind there is a little voice which tells us exactly that. We do our best to squash it – but somehow the negativity seeps through and saps our confidence. We start to develope fear of doing whatever we think may challenge us.  We only see the fear – because we have hidden what lies under and what is now concealed by the fear. The underlying beliefs are responsible for our phobias – the fear is only the symptom.

Think of the brain as a computer hosting many programmes.  Mostly the capacity of this amazing machine is used up by our negative programming – leaving less room for the positive programme circuits.

When you eradicate that negative voice in your head, the fear goes with it, and leaves room on your circuits for the positive thoughts to enter and for confidence and positivity to start influencing your life.

I have a more detailed explanation of how Homeopathic treatment and Theta healing can help on my web site:

www.health4life-online.com

If you would like help for yourself/ a friend or family member/ or would like to find out more, I can be contacted on : 07979538378

Fear of Public Speaking – some hints to improve your performance and some underlying causes

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 25/04/2011 , , , , ,

For those of us  who do not belong in a corporate background and who are not at home with preparing  power point presentations, but are still expected to get up in front of an audience and deliver a speech – public speaking can be very daunting.

So here’s a few confidence boosters and also a quick look at why we become so anxious.

  • Be prepared. Its not a good idea to hope that inspiration comes to you on the day. Neither is it realistic to expect to remember the facts and figures when you are nervous.. If you expect to be nervous – you will probably forget everything or get it wrong. Having the facts and figures in front of you is a good confidence booster.
  • Is what you have to say well written and interesting? Because if it isn’t start there and rewrite so you know you have a coherent  presentation to deliver.
  • Your audience generally wishes you well, so expect them to welcome and be open to what you have to say.
  • They  will want to be entertained as well as informed, so one or two light hearted anecdotes usually helps everyone to relax.
  • Wear smart clothes and make sure that they are not too tight and that you can breathe properly. Ladies – don’t wear your killer heels – you’ll probably regret it.
  • Always stand when addressing your audience and answering their questions. I’m amazed at how often people forget to do this. Its very annoying to not be able to see the speaker.
  • Be inclusive of the entire audience. Walk about on the stage even if you do have a podium. It allows you to communicate more easily with different parts of the room.  Ensure you make eye contact and include the people in every part of the room – otherwise part of your audience might feel rejected.

Still terrified?

Have you prepared  your material really well, rehearsed  it  – learned some of it – and yet are still terrified at the idea of standing alone in public?

Why?

If the material you have to put over is relevant and interesting, what makes you seize up? What stops you communicating in a relaxed and friendly manner?

Some of the reasons why.

Fear of speaking in public is as widespread as it is because of the underlying fears which are a common element of the human condition.

This is a fear of being criticised, judged and ultimately found wanting.

And under that is the fear that perhaps you are not quite good enough and that this will be discovered and highlighted  if you are in the spotlight.

To effectively overcome these fears it is important to work on how you feel about yourself. Do you like and respect yourself? Do you expect others to like and respect you – or do you expect them to pick holes in you, reject your views and in general become hostile. Above all – are you at ease with yourself?

Its no wonder so many actors are scared to death.  They used to be pelted with rotten tomatoes if the audience didn’t like them. Even without the tomatoes – to be at the receiving end of a bored, hostile or alienated audience feels terrible.

The people who are the most successful in engaging their audience are at ease with themselves. They don’t have to deliver the wittiest or the most intellectually challenging speech. But they do have to be at ease with themselves.

To be at ease is not as difficult as it sounds.

There are many homeopathic remedies which help with the nerves and also with self confidence.

I have had excellent results using Theta Healing. This has enabled  people to eliminate the negativity they have about themselves very easily and effectively. When the negativity is released then there is a feeling of greater  self worth and with that comes ease.

If you would like to become one of the minority who are comfortable and at ease with themselves.

Please call me on  – 07979538 378 to find out more

Go to my website www.deborahtalalayhealing.com. I have given a an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

If you click on the page – What clients have said – you will see how they have overcome their nerves and how their confidence has grown

Fear of Public Speaking – and what can be done about it

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 18/04/2011 , , , ,

They say that most people would endure any ordeal rather than speak in public. Even some of our most celebrated actors are reduced to a quivering fearful jelly before each performance.

Many of us have experienced the symptoms:

  • A dry mouth,
  • breaking out into a sweat,
  • stomach upset,
  • nausea and vomiting,
  • sleepless night,
  • unable to eat,
  • forgetting what we were about to say,
  • convinced that what we need to say is incredibly dull and that no-one wants to listen to us – so we cut out a lot of the information we were about to give.

Then we stand there in front of our audience or interviewer and give the wooden performance of our lives. Our body language is stiff and shows our fear. The audience is embarrassed and becomes anxious and we wish the floor would open up and swallow us whole.

Though that is an extreme example – many of us will have experienced some of these symptoms.

Most of us don’t need to put ourselves into that position and can avoid public speaking. But there are many who have to speak in public, and generally be in the public eye as part of their job…

One of my clients – an analyst in the City – had to conduct seminars, give expert opinion on Radio and TV and inform the press. He was brilliant at being an analyst but everything else caused constant fear and anxiety. He had been in his career for a number of years and instead of becoming used to being in public – it was getting worse. He knew what a poor show he put on and that what he had to say sounded dull and boring. This began to affect his dealings with his colleagues. …….and so it went on.

In over 20 years as a homeopath and later as an NLP Master Practitioner and Theta Healer – I have seen many people with stage fright , exam nerves and a terror of appearing in public.

There are several ways of tackling this.

Tranquilisers and sleeping pills help up to a point – but you lose your edge and they can make you drowsy. Besides – it is much better to not have to rely on drugs if you can help it.

Homeopathic remedies can greatly reduce stage fright and the anxiety felt on the days leading up to an event. Over a period of time they can also deal with the lack of confidence that makes people so frightened of appearing in public. They have the advantage of being gentle and safe for all ages, and they are not addictive.

But to my mind the greatest success comes when the cause of the fear is discovered and dealt with. This is where Theta healing or NLP come in. I have found that my clients have responded extremely well to Theta. That panic and dread have been replaced by confidence, motivation, and yes – even a sense of enjoyment. And the transformation has lasted without having to top up on drugs and pills.

The Analyst was treated with Theta Healing and homeopathic remedies. He has turned his performance around and has recently been head hunted for a significantly better job.

If you’d like to know more about Homeopathy and Theta Healing– please go to my website www.18.135.123.1