Tag: stress

Bullying

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 03/10/2011 , , , , ,

It is the start of the school year and our children have gone back to school.

Some are starting in secondary school, and some have moved to a different school. This is the time when they will have to meet different and higher expectations from their teachers. It is also the time when children will have been separated from their friends and will have to make new friendships.

It is a time of increased anxiety and vulnerability for a lot of children, especially if they have been put into a class which they don’t like, or have been put in with people who have formed bonds and are unwilling to let anyone else in.

Children can be amazingly unkind to each other.  They can exclude another child for being a little different to them – if they have a different skin colour or religion, if they wear glasses, if they have a physical defect – a stammer or lisp. Sometimes a child will be excluded for no good reason at all – just to make their tormentors feel they are on top – The King – by making another look and feel inadequate and small.

These are the first steps towards bullying.

Often a person will be bullied because someone is jealous. I know people who having been confident and popular then one day found themselves sent to Coventry and have never really understood why.  The reason is usually that someone else was jealous of their popularity and decided to spread some venom to make them unpopular. The other people in the class will join in with the bully for fear of getting the same treatment, and before you know it this child or teenager will find they have been completely marginalised.

Other scenarios include tormenting someone by hitting them or hurting them when no one else is looking. If the youngster complains he’s immediately accused of being a mummy’s boy or a grass and sinks deeper into the trap. Many kids have their lunch or lunch money stolen from them.

I remember when a child I know was being bullied.  No one knew about it till halfway through the term when he started wetting the bed.

He hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about it. He was deeply hurt that his best friend had joined the bullies. This was a case of being too popular for his rival’s comfort – though the child had not even realised the other was a rival. He was told that if he submitted to physical tortures he would be allowed to join the games. He refused. So he spent every playtime entirely alone.

When his parents found out, there was some discussion about leaving it to the child to deal with, and that parents shouldn’t interfere. I couldn’t disagree with this more.

The consequences of having been bullied are appalling.

Anyone who is being tormented and bullied has had their confidence severely knocked. They are usually led to believe that it’s because of something they’ve done – or because of who they are.  That it’s all their fault. They are terrified of making it worse by going to someone in authority. Many youngsters pretend they are unwell rather than face their tormentors.  Some actually do become ill. And tragically, some take their own lives.

I have met people who hide from life – who are unable to work or form a relationship because they have been bullied in school – whose trust in their fellow humans has been completely ruined – whose lives have been ruined.

It is the same as with any form of abuse – the victim is the one who is made to feel that none of this would have happened if there had not been something terribly wrong with them.

It is crucial that any adult seeing that their child has become introverted, or wondering why their child is withdrawn should find out what is going on, and consider the possibility that their child is being bullied. The child may be quite reluctant to speak about it. Don’t let that stop you.

Tell the authorities. If they don’t take immediate and decisive action, remove the child from that school.  The consequences of leaving a youngster to fend for himself are too dreadful.

The parents of the young boy decided to tell the school their son was being bullied, and it was dealt with immediately. The entire school was drawn into a discussion on bullying. The bully was made to understand what he had done and the teachers kept a very close eye on the people involved to make sure it did not start up again.

There one or two who have been strengthened by being forced to stand alone. The majority have been severely traumatised and often for life.

In my practice, Theta Healing has restored the victim’s confidence and sense of worth, and has enabled men and women to start to build their lives.

Most people do not have the opportunity to have this treatment, so let us be alert while it is happening and stop it before it takes hold.

Make sure that bullying is stopped, whether in the workplace, at home or at school – that it is nipped in the bud – that the bullies understand what they have done and that they are punished.

If you would like help in rebuilding your sense of worth and your confidence, you may find that Theta Healing will help:
Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more.
Go to my website www.18.135.123.1. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

I am always anxious

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 01/09/2011 , , ,

“I am so stressed and there’s nothing I can do to slow down because so many people are dependent on me.”

Life has become so fast. We expect to do things and have things done for us instantly, if not yesterday.  Any delay sends us into a rage. If there is a wait behind a car which is a bit slow off the mark at a traffic light, the horns start blasting away. We have so much packed into each day, that unless everything goes perfectly – which it rarely does – we are unable to fulfil the commitments we have made. We arrive late and flustered – and we have no reserves to deal with the many little unexpected happenings that each day brings.

We’re proud of being able to multitask, and we end up by giving only a tiny part of our attention to whatever we’re doing. A parent pushing a stroller with a young child in it and with a phone clamped to her ear is a familiar sight. The child is ignored or pacified with a dummy or food if it wants attention.

We end up doing a lot – but we lose the ability to be, to communicate and relate to each other.

This is having life by the throat – so there is no room to breathe or to relax. Do it for long enough and everything becomes a burden – something to be done or to get through and it breeds irritability and ANXIETY.

Anxiety that;-

  • I won’t be able to achieve all I’ve set out to do.
  • That I’ll let people down and that they will be angry or annoyed with me.
  • That people will think less of me
  • That I will let myself down
  • That I’ll deprive my children and family in some way.
  • That I am not as competent as my friends and acquaintances.

Women are usually the ones running around trying to do what is needed for the family and holding down a job at the same time. The media have promoted the idea of the modern super woman who can grow her own vegetables, bottle and preserve them, make cakes and jam and all before setting out for her day in the executive boardroom.

Even if we like living like that – we can only keep it up for so long before the cracks begin to appear.

The price we pay is in our relationships – both with ourselves and with others.

We have completely failed to nourish ourselves and all we have is a sense of achievement for having done so much.

Nourishing ourselves can happen in different ways and they are all important.

We can start by giving ourselves the time to be with ourselves and with our thoughts. We need the time for the mind to be free of duty and responsibility so that it can float free and come up with ideas or so it can resolve a problem which has been lurking in the background.  We are not machines even if we treat ourselves like one.  We need the time to renew our energy and to clear ourselves from our recent experiences. If we don’t do this we create a backlog for the subconscious mind to deal with when we have the time. So it keeps prompting us to remember this thing and that problem which we have stored until we can sort them out. These constant reminders become anxiety.

Human beings all need to connect. Connection is what gives our lives meaning. What passes for connection is often at the surface as we don’t have the time for the connection to develop and for the energy of that connection to flow. We need to give ourselves the time and space to listen to ourselves and connect with our unconscious mind and to let that take us where it will. What we actually do is to stop any communication with ourselves by living in a constant whirlwind of activity and with a constant background of noise.

We have become estranged from ourselves and disconnected from others.

Anxiety is our warning signal that we are not getting it right and that we need to re-evaluate what we want from our lives and how to go about it. Our anxiety is, in general, not about the circumstances of our lives.  Even when these are difficult – if we feel centred and balanced we can deal with difficult circumstances and take them in our stride.

My belief is that our anxiety is because we won’t take the time to be with ourselves and with others and because we are denying ourselves the fundamental nutrition of connection.

If you would like help in reconnecting with yourself and with others, you may find that Theta Healing will help:

Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more.

Go to my website www.18.135.123.1. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.