Tag: relationships

Is Your Relationship Ending?

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 03/01/2012 , , , , , , , ,

January is a time for new resolutions and new beginnings, so it’s unsurprising that January sees the break up of many marriages and relationships. Family lawyers say that January is their busiest month.

There’s something about Christmas and New Year which places great strains on a relationship and often spending an extended amount of time together when you are not getting on well, believing that your feelings for each other have changed and that you are very unhappy can brings things to a head in a strained relationship.

The end of a relationship can be traumatic and have long term repercussions but with Theta Healing it is possible to save a relationship or help you move on when divorce or breaking up really is the only option.

Separating and unravelling your life from your partner’s can be a traumatic and terrifying experience.There is so much that has been done as a couple – building a life together, creating a home, a family, so many friends – so many memories.

And then there are the children. Divorce can be devastating to the children and to the partner who will no longer see them on a daily. And even if you are desperate for your partnership to end – it is a serious step to deprive the other loving parent of their children although in many cases it is often better for the children in the long run to have two parents who are happy living separately than growing up in an unhappy household.

There are also feelings of loss and grief over who will take the family pet, the possessions which have been chosen together, or the music collection.

So the first thing to think about very clearly is – can your relationship return to being a loving caring relationship? If you were to work on yourself and your relationship, could you erase the hurt and the bad feeling that has built up between you? After all – most people really liked and hopefully once loved their partner when they married them – so there must be some compatibility there.

Even though this might seem impossible, it isn’t. When you change your beliefs with Theta Healing relationships become very much better. It’s possible to erase the hurt, the loss of respect, the anger, the disappointment and all the other emotions that arise when a relationship turns sour. I have treated a number of clients who have changed their minds about divorce and been able to start again on a much better footing after receiving Theta Healing.

But sometimes it is better to move on.

I believe that the bottom line is that each individual needs to be allowed to grow within a relationship.
If that is impossible – then that person needs to gather their courage and leave.
Of course there is often divorce where there is one unwilling partner which is extraordinarily hurtful and difficult for that person, especially if they still have feelings for the partner who wishes to end the marriage.

A divorce by mutual agreement is the easiest to handle, and even then there are intense feelings of loss and failure.
When one partner wants to leave the other for a new partner – then there are feelings of guilt by the person who is leaving.
But for the partner who is being left the experience is usually much worse.
• Feelings of rejection, of not being good enough or young enough or good looking enough.
• Feelings of betrayal and anger.
• Feelings of shame that they have been discarded
• Loss of all belief in themselves
• No motivation to continue with a new life.
• Fear of the future

That deserted partner can sink into a deep depression which is difficult to come out of.
Some people start to smoke again, or to drown their sorrows in booze.
Others eat cakes and sweets, then their weight balloons, which confirms their belief that they are unattractive
In some ways it is easier if a partner dies than to be divorced. At least you have not been rejected.

When your relationship ends it is one of the most challenging changes you can face in your life. You have to come to terms with the change and begin to think of creating a new life.

You will need a lot of help and support in sifting through all the feelings that threaten to overwhelm you. Friends can be comforting though some may desert you.

Get professional help. Get help in releasing your anger and grief. Don’t get stuck in despair or bitterness.
If the situation can’t be changed – make a pledge to yourself that you are going to use the opportunity to make a better life for yourself and to be the person you always wanted to be.
It is difficult to do this on your own – so – get help.
It’s worth it.

Theta healing will help you through in a much shorter space of time. It won’t alter what has happened – but you will feel better about yourself and your future much more quickly than if you struggle with this on your own.
If you would like to learn more about Theta Healing and how it can help you
Call me on: 07979538378
Email me at: debbie.talalay@gmail.com
Or go to my website to find out how Theta Healing and Homeopathy could help you. www.18.135.123.1

Social Status

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 17/10/2011 , , , ,

The one thing that will strike terror in a child’s heart is to be excluded.
This takes various forms and will be experienced as

  • Not being good enough for the in crowd.
  • Not being picked till last for a team.
  • Not being invited for outings or play dates.
  • Knowing that you are only invited if the whole class is going.

Kids need to know what their social standing is and how they rank against the other kids – where they stand in the social pecking order.
This is where so much of the mean behaviour between children comes from.
A child who has led a sheltered life and comes from a home where he is the apple of his family’s eye, often has a rude awakening when he gets to school.

In order for me to be better – you have to be worse.
And just in case anyone has any doubt about me being better – I will tell everyone what’s wrong with you. And if there isn’t anything wrong with you – I’ll make it up!

You probably recognise it – hordes of kids picking on one or two others so they can prove that they are superior. It’s called bullying which I talked about earlier this month, and it comes from desperation to be top of the pile, to have top social status. Because the opposite of social status is social exclusion. And the way you know you have social status is because others are not good enough and are excluded from your circle of friends.

The reason kids want high fashion items is not because these items are so much better – but because they prove how superior that child must be. Conversely – an item from Primark or BHS will actually prove to the child and to his classmates that he has no social status and that no self respecting person should want to associate with him. So that child is ashamed of what they are wearing and fearful that it might lead to their exclusion.

I remember one boy who was in the First Eleven at his school. He was a football star and reaped the admiration and popularity that went with it. He could do no wrong with the girls and he was always included in any social gathering. Until one day he had an injury. He got over the injury but every time he played football the injured part flared. So he had to stop playing.
His place was filled by another boy, and the team went on without him. He couldn’t be part of the group and his friends started to be less friendly and to not include him in other events. But this wasn’t just about not being part of a group that shared an experience. This was about losing his social standing which had depended on him being a football star. Since he no longer had his place as a star – he could not enhance the reputation of these friends – so was no longer worth knowing. It was a very painful experience for the boy. His confidence was completely shattered for a long time, but he learned from it and chose his next friends with greater care.

A child aspiring to social status has to take care that they are never seen to be friendly with so called losers – even if they secretly quite like them. They cannot side with them or rescue them if they are being bullied. In fact – a child who is unsure of his social standing could well be the loudest and the meanest just to prove that he isn’t a loser.

This is part of the growing up process in our culture. Maybe when we see it in our children we would handle it better if we understand the insecurities which give rise to this behaviour. Maybe we could reassure them that the other kids don’t have to be inferior so that they can be amazing, and that another child being good at something does not automatically mean our child is inferior – but that everyone can be amazing in their own different way.

If you would like help in letting go of your insecurities, you may find that Theta Healing will help:
Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more
Go to my website www.18.135.123.1. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.

Bullying

Posted by: Deborah Talalay Posted on: 03/10/2011 , , , , ,

It is the start of the school year and our children have gone back to school.

Some are starting in secondary school, and some have moved to a different school. This is the time when they will have to meet different and higher expectations from their teachers. It is also the time when children will have been separated from their friends and will have to make new friendships.

It is a time of increased anxiety and vulnerability for a lot of children, especially if they have been put into a class which they don’t like, or have been put in with people who have formed bonds and are unwilling to let anyone else in.

Children can be amazingly unkind to each other.  They can exclude another child for being a little different to them – if they have a different skin colour or religion, if they wear glasses, if they have a physical defect – a stammer or lisp. Sometimes a child will be excluded for no good reason at all – just to make their tormentors feel they are on top – The King – by making another look and feel inadequate and small.

These are the first steps towards bullying.

Often a person will be bullied because someone is jealous. I know people who having been confident and popular then one day found themselves sent to Coventry and have never really understood why.  The reason is usually that someone else was jealous of their popularity and decided to spread some venom to make them unpopular. The other people in the class will join in with the bully for fear of getting the same treatment, and before you know it this child or teenager will find they have been completely marginalised.

Other scenarios include tormenting someone by hitting them or hurting them when no one else is looking. If the youngster complains he’s immediately accused of being a mummy’s boy or a grass and sinks deeper into the trap. Many kids have their lunch or lunch money stolen from them.

I remember when a child I know was being bullied.  No one knew about it till halfway through the term when he started wetting the bed.

He hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about it. He was deeply hurt that his best friend had joined the bullies. This was a case of being too popular for his rival’s comfort – though the child had not even realised the other was a rival. He was told that if he submitted to physical tortures he would be allowed to join the games. He refused. So he spent every playtime entirely alone.

When his parents found out, there was some discussion about leaving it to the child to deal with, and that parents shouldn’t interfere. I couldn’t disagree with this more.

The consequences of having been bullied are appalling.

Anyone who is being tormented and bullied has had their confidence severely knocked. They are usually led to believe that it’s because of something they’ve done – or because of who they are.  That it’s all their fault. They are terrified of making it worse by going to someone in authority. Many youngsters pretend they are unwell rather than face their tormentors.  Some actually do become ill. And tragically, some take their own lives.

I have met people who hide from life – who are unable to work or form a relationship because they have been bullied in school – whose trust in their fellow humans has been completely ruined – whose lives have been ruined.

It is the same as with any form of abuse – the victim is the one who is made to feel that none of this would have happened if there had not been something terribly wrong with them.

It is crucial that any adult seeing that their child has become introverted, or wondering why their child is withdrawn should find out what is going on, and consider the possibility that their child is being bullied. The child may be quite reluctant to speak about it. Don’t let that stop you.

Tell the authorities. If they don’t take immediate and decisive action, remove the child from that school.  The consequences of leaving a youngster to fend for himself are too dreadful.

The parents of the young boy decided to tell the school their son was being bullied, and it was dealt with immediately. The entire school was drawn into a discussion on bullying. The bully was made to understand what he had done and the teachers kept a very close eye on the people involved to make sure it did not start up again.

There one or two who have been strengthened by being forced to stand alone. The majority have been severely traumatised and often for life.

In my practice, Theta Healing has restored the victim’s confidence and sense of worth, and has enabled men and women to start to build their lives.

Most people do not have the opportunity to have this treatment, so let us be alert while it is happening and stop it before it takes hold.

Make sure that bullying is stopped, whether in the workplace, at home or at school – that it is nipped in the bud – that the bullies understand what they have done and that they are punished.

If you would like help in rebuilding your sense of worth and your confidence, you may find that Theta Healing will help:
Please call me on – 07979538 378 to find out more.
Go to my website www.18.135.123.1. I have given an explanation on Theta Healing and how it works.